THE BOTHERING CUSTOMER - HILARIOUS JOKES

A customer was bothering the waiter in a restaurant. First, he asked that the air conditioning be turned up because he was too hot, then he asked it be turned down cause he was too cold, and so on for about half an hour.
Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient, he walked back and forth and never once got angry. So finally, a second customer asked him why he didn't throw out the pest.
"Oh, I really don't care or mind," said the waiter with a smile. "We don't even have an air conditioner."

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ARTIST - HILARIOUS GRAND MOTHER URDU JOKE

Aik nanhi bachi ne apni dadi se poocha: "Dadi jaan! Kya aap artist hein?"
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Dadi ne jawab diya: "Nahi beti, magar tum kion pooch rahi ho?"
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Bachi boli: "Ammi keh rahi theen k burrhiya aa gaee hai ab yahan roz naya drama hoga."

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MOST HILARIOUS PARROT JOKE - I SEE

A little old lady buys a pair of parrots, but cannot identify their sexes.
She calls the shop, and the man there advises her to watch them carefully and all would become clear in time.

She spends weeks staring at the cage and eventually catches them doing what comes naturally. To make sure she doesn't get them mixed up again, she cuts out a ring from a piece of cardboard and puts it round the male parrot's neck.

A while later, the local priest visits the old lady. The male parrot takes one look at the father's collar, wolf whistles, and says, "I see she caught you at it, too."

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VERY VERY FUNNY OLD MAN JOKE - OLD MAN

A pious man who had reached the age of 105 suddenly stopped going to synagogue. Alarmed by the old fellow's absence after so many years of faithful attendance the Rabbi went to see him.

He found him in excellent health, so the Rabbi asked, "How come after all these years we don't see you at services anymore?"

The old man looked around and lowered his voice. "I'll tell you, Rabbi," he whispered. "When I got to be 90, I expected God to take me any day. But then I got to be 95, then 100, then 105.
So I figured that God is very busy and must've forgotten about me, and I don't want to remind Him!"

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VERY VERY FUNNY FATHERS JOEKS - CAMERAY

Baap: "Aik zamana hota tha jab main sotre se sirf 10 rupay mein 'Ghee', 'Doodh', 'Daalein' sab lay aata tha."
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Beta: "Ab ye harkatein nahi chalti hein abbu, ab wahan cameray lag gaye hein."

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REALLY FUNNY ONE LINER - PEACEFUL DEATH

"I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather..."
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"Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car..."

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MOST HUMOROUS URDU JOKE - JANNAT 2

Sardar: "Yar agar maa k qadmon talay 'JANNAT' hoti hai to phir nani k qadmon talay kya hota hai?"

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Pathan ne kafi ghour-o-ghouz k baad jawab diya: "Jannat 2."

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VERY FUNNY URDU JOKE - DADI

Girl: "Iss dress ki kya price hai?"

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Shopkeeper: "Sirf 5 kiss."

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Girl: "Aur uss dress ki?"

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Shopkeeper: "10 kiss."

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Girl: "Okay. Dono pack kar do, bill meri 'DADI' dein gi."

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HILARIOUS JOKES - THE DAMNED PERIOD

The kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day.

When the time came for the little kids to give their reports, the teacher was calling on them one at a time. She was reluctant to call upon little Johnnie, knowing that he sometimes could be a bit crude. But eventually his turn came. Little Johnnie walked up to the front of the class, and with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard, then sat back down.

Well, the teacher couldn't figure out what Johnnie had in mind for his report on something exciting, so she asked him just what that was.

"It's a period" reported Johnnie.

"Well I can see that" she said. "But what is so exciting about a period?"

"Damned if I know" said Johnnie, "but this morning my sister said she missed one. Then Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted and the man next door shot himself."

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HILARIOUS JOKES - SOMETHING SPECIAL

An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young gal at his side.

He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.

The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring and showed it to him.

The old man said, "I don't think you understand, I want something very special."

At that Statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over.

"Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000," the jeweler said. The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.

The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it."

The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated, by check. "I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon," he said.

Monday morning, a very teed-off jeweler phoned the old man. "There's no money in that account."

"I know," said the old man, "but can you imagine the weekend I had?"

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HILARIOUS JOKES - THE OLD AGE VIAGRA

An elderly woman goes to the doctor and asks his help to revive her husband's sex drive. "What about trying Viagra?" asks the doctor. "Not a chance," says Mrs.. Murphy. "He won't even take an aspirin for a headache." "No problem," replies the doctor. "Drop it into his coffee, he won't even taste it. Try it and come back in a week to let me know how you got on."

A week later Mrs.Murphy returns to the doctor and he inquires as to how things went. "Oh it was terrible, just terrible doctor." "What happened?" asks the doctor. "Well I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee.

The effect was immediate. He jumped straight up, swept the cutlery off the table, at the same time ripping my clothes off and then proceeded to make passionate love to me on the tabletop. It was terrible." "What was terrible?" said the doctor, "was the sex not good?" "Oh no doctor, the sex was the best I've had in 25 years, but I'll never be able to show my face in McDonald's again."

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HILARIOUS JOKES - THE ACQUAINTANCE

An elderly couple was driving across the country. While the woman was behind the wheel, the couple was pulled over by the highway patrol.

“Ma’am, did you know you were speeding?” the officer said.

The woman, hard of hearing, turned to her husband and asked, “What did he say?”

“He said you were speeding!” the old man yelled.

The patrolman then asked, “May I see your license?”

The woman turned to her husband again, “What did he say?”

The old man yelled back, “He wants to see your license!”

The woman then gave the officer her license.

“I see you are from Arkansas,” the patrolman said. “I spent some time there once and went on a blind date with the ugliest woman I’ve ever seen.”

The woman turned to her husband again and asked, “What did he say?”

The old man replied, “He said he knows you!”

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HILARIOUS JOKES - SECRET TO HAPPY LIFE

A lady noticed an old happy man sitting on his porch.

“Excuse me” she said “I just couldn’t help noticing how happy you look. Tell me, what is the secret to your long happy life.”
“Well, the man responded, “I eat fatty foods, never exercise. I also smoke three packs of cigarettes a day, and drink about a case of whiskey a week”
“Wow.” the women said “and how old are you?”
“Twenty eight,”  he said.

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HILARIOUS JOKES - THE NOISY KID

A little kid walks into a city bus and sits right behind the driver and starts yelling, ”If my dad was a bull and my mom a cow I’d be a little bull.”
The driver starts getting mad at the noisy kid, who continues with, ”If my dad was an elephant and my mom a girl elephant I would be a little elephant.”

The kid goes on with several animals until the bus driver gets angry and yells at the kid, ”What if your dad was gay and your mom was a prostitute?!”

The kid smiles and says, ”I would be a bus driver!”

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HILARIOUS JOKES - HIS STORY VS HER STORY

A couple have been in a relationship for about four months now. One Friday night they meet at a bar after work. They stay for a few, then go on to get some food at a local restaurant near their respective houses. They eat, then go back to his house and she stays over.

Her story:
Well, Ed was in an odd mood when I got to the bar, I thought it might have been because I was a bit late but he didn’t say anything much about it, but the conversation was quite slow going. I thought we should go off somewhere more intimate so we could talk more privately. We went to this restaurant and he’s still a bit funny and I’m trying to cheer him up and start to wonder whether it’s me or something so I ask him and he says no but you know I’m not really sure, so anyway, in the cab back to his house I say that I love him and he just puts his arm around me and I don’t know what the hell that means because, you know, he doesn’t say it back or anything so when we get back to his place I’m wondering if he’s going off me and so I try to ask him about it but he just switches on the TV and so I say I’m going to go to sleep and then after about 10 minutes he joins me and we have sex, but he seemed really distracted and so afterwards I just want to leave and, I dunno, I just don’t know what he thinks anymore. I mean, do you think he’s met someone else ???

His story:
Shit day at work. Great fuck later.

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HILARIOUS JOKES - BIRTHDAY CAKE

For his wife's birthday, a doctor ordered a cake with this inscription:

"You are not getting older,
You are getting better."

When asked how he wanted it arranged, he said, "Just put 'You are not getting older' at the top, and 'You are just getting better' at the bottom."
It wasn't until the good doctor was ready to serve the cake that he discovered it read:

"YOU ARE NOT GETTING OLDER AT THE TOP, YOU ARE JUST GETTING BETTER AT THE BOTTOM."

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HILARIOUS JOKES - AS OLD AS

The census taker knocked on Donna’s door. She answered all his questions except one. She refused to tell him her age.

“But everyone tells their age to the census taker,” he said.

“Did Miss Maisy Hill, and Miss Daisy Hill tell you their ages?” she asked.

“Certainly,” he replied “Well, I’m the same age as they are,” she snapped.

“As old as the Hills,” he wrote on his form.

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HILARIOUS JOKES - THE OLD AGE

One day at the rest home, an old man and woman are talking. Out of nowhere the woman says, "I can guess your age."

The man doesn't believe her, but tells her to go ahead and try.

"Pull down your pants," she says.

He doesn't understand but does it anyway. She inspects his rear end for a few minutes and then says, "You're 84 years old."

"That's amazing," the man says. "How did you know?"

"You told me yesterday."

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HILARIOUS JOKES - POOR OLD MAN

There was an old man whose family could no longer afford to take care of him. So the family decided that a nusring for the aged would be appropriate.

Of course the old man rejected the idea, but no sooner he was convinced that it was the right thing to do. On his first day at the home, he spent most of his time laying in bed reflecting on life, feeling lonely. A while later, an orderly stopped by to seee how the old man's first day was going.

"How you doing today?", she said to the old man, "First day I see". The Old man replied with a nod.

In no time the two began talking up a storm. As the conversation began to drag on, the orderly was eyeing the room filled with fresh flowers, cards and balloons from friends and relatives. She noticed a bowl full of peanuts sitting on top of the table next to the bed, and help herself to a handful.

As the two continued to converse with each other, the orderly kept eating more helpings of the peanuts. She look at her watch and noticed that nearly 2 hours had passed and said, "My goodness, the time has gone by quickly. I have to tend to other people here too." "That's okay.", said the old man, "I feel so much better being able to talk to someone." Looking into the bowl the orderly said, "I feel awful! I ate almost all of your peanuts!" The old man responded, "That's okay. Ever since I got these false teeth, all I could do was suck the chocolate off of them anyhow."

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HILARIOUS JOKES - OCCASIONAL MISTAKE

A worker who was being paid by the week approached his employer and held up his last paycheck.
"This is two hundred dollars less than we agreed on," he said.
"I know," the employer said. "But last week I overpaid you two hundred dollars, and you never complained."
Well, I don't mind an occasional mistake," the worker answered, "but when it gets to be a habit, I feel I have to call it to your attention."

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