VERY VERY FUNNY ENGLISH JOKES - TRUTH

A father came home from a long business trip to find his son riding a very fancy new 10 speed bike. "Where did you get the money for the bike? It must have cost $300."

"Easy, Dad," the boy replied. "I earned it hiking."

"Come on," the father said. "Tell me the truth."

"That is the truth," the boy replied. "Every night you were gone, Mr. Reynolds from the grocery store would come over to see Mom. He'd give me a $20 bill and tell me to take a hike!"

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MOST HILARIOUS URDU JOKE - ZAHEEN PATHAN

Sardar: "Yaar mujhay Saffar mein neend nahi aati..."
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"Aisa kion?".
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Pathan: "To tum Rabi-ull-Awwal mein so jaya karo..."

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HILARIOUS TRAVELING JOKES - MY PARTNER

A businessman was having a tough time lugging his lumpy, oversize travel bag onto the plane.
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Helped by a flight attendant, he finally managed to stuff it in the overhead bin.
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"Do you always carry such heavy luggage?" she sighed.
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"No more," the man said: "Next time, I'm riding in the bag, and my partner can buy the ticket!

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MOST HILARIOUS SHORT URDU JOKES - PHOTO

Boy: "Kahan ja rahi ho?"
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Larki: "Khudkushi karnay."
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Boy: "To itna make-up kion kiya hai?"
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Girl: "Kal subh k news paper mein photo b to aani hai na?"

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REALLY FUNNY ONE LINER - PEACEFUL DEATH

"I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather..."
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"Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car..."

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MOST HUMOROUS ENGLISH JOKE - LITTLE GIRL

To stop her 4-year old daughter from biting her nails, her mother tells her it'll make her fat.

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"I won't do it any more, Mom," says the daughter.

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Next day they are out walking when they meet a very fat man.

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"If I bite my fingernails, I'll be as fat as that, won't I Mom?"

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"You'll be fatter than that," says her mother.

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They get on a bus, and sitting opposite them is a very pregnant lady.

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The little girl can't take her eyes off the woman's belly.

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The pregnant lady feels increasingly uncomfortable under this stare, and finally leans forward and says to the little girl, "Excuse me, but do you know me?"

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And the little girl says, "No, but I know what you've been doing."

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MOST HILARIOUS ENGLISH JOKES - THREE GUYS

Three guys are in a Cessna.

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The first drops a penny out the window.

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The second drops a pencil and the third a bomb.

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When the plane lands, the first guy goes to see where the penny landed.

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He sees a guy swearing and trying to get a penny out of his forehead.

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The second sees a girl holding her dog who has a pencil through his head.

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The third guy sees a guy laughing his head off.

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He asks: "Why are you laughing?"

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The guy says: "I was cooking on my BBQ when I farted..."

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"What's so funny about that?"

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"It blew my neighbor's house apart!"

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VERY FUNNY ENGLISH JOKES - POLICEMAN

A policeman pulls a man over for speeding and asks him to get out of the car.

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After looking the man over he says: "Sir, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are bloodshot. Have you been drinking?"

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The man gets really indignant and says: "Officer, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are glazed. Have you been eating doughnuts?"

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HUMOROUS ONE LINER JOKES - BRUISE

"The awkward moment when you find a bruise and have no idea how you got it...?"

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VERY FUNNY TWEET - FAVOR

"Can you do me a favor? So stand in front of my car, I need to test my brakes."

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VERY FUNNY ONE LINER JOKE - A DUMB FRIEND

"1 universe, 8 planets, 204 countries, 809 islands, 7 seas and I just had to find your dumb..."

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HILARIOUS URDU JOKES - PAKISTAN RAILWAY TRACK

Which is the longest toilet in the world?
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Guess?
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"Pakistan Railway Track."
You can use it from Karachi to Khyber.

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FUNNY GIRLS JOKES - WILL YOU?

Boy: Will you go out with me?

Girl: "No!"

Boy: "Do you even know what I said?"

Girl: "Yeah."

Boy: "What?"

Girl: "Will you go out with me?"

Boy: "(Sure.)"

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HILARIOUS JOKES - CALLING A DOCTOR

When a car skidded on wet pavement and struck a telephone pole, several bystanders ran over to help the driver. A woman was the first to reach the victim, but a man rushed in and pushed her aside. "Step aside, lady," he barked. "I've taken a course in first-aid!"

The woman watched for a few minutes, then tapped him on the shoulder. "Pardon me," she said. "But when you get to the part about calling a doctor, I'm right here."

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FUNNIEST JOKES - SHOWPIECES IN WINDOW

A woman visiting Israel notices that her little travel alarm needs battery. She looks for a watch repair shop, and as she couldn't read Hebrew, she finally sees a shop with clocks and watches in the window. She goes in and hands the man her clock.
The man says, "Madam, I don't repair clocks. I'm a mohel. I do circumcisions!"
She says, "Why all the clocks in the window?"
The man replied, "And what should I have in my window?"

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HILARIOUS JOKES - ON THE OTHER SIDE

Two blondes were facing each other with a lake between them. 

The first blonde wants to get to the other side so she yells to the other blonde, "Hey! I want to get to the other side of the lake but I can't swim. Please tell me how you did this!"

The second blonde then says, "But you ARE on the other side!"

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HILARIOUS STATISTICS JOKES - CALCULATION

Two statisticians were traveling in an airplane from LA to New York. About an hour into the flight, the pilot announced that they had lost an engine, but don't worry, there are three left.

However, instead of 5 hours it would take 7 hours to get to New York. A little later, he announced that a second engine failed, and they still had two left, but it would take 10 hours to get to New York.

Somewhat later, the pilot again came on the intercom and announced that a third engine had died. Never fear, he announced, because the plane could fly on a single engine.

However, it would now take 18 hours to get to new York. At this point, one statistician turned to the other and said, "Gee, I hope we don't lose that last engine, or we'll be up here forever!"

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HILARIOUS MICROSOFT JOKES - TECHNICALITY

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle yesterday when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communication equipment. Due to the clouds and haze the pilot could not determine his position or course to steer to the airport. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, drew a handwritten sign and held it in the helicopter's window. The sign said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters.

People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign and held it in a building window. Their sign said, "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER." The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map and determined the course to steer to SEATAC (Seattle/Tacoma) airport and landed safely.

After they were on the ground, the co-pilot asked the pilot how the "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER" sign helped determine their position.

The pilot responded, "I knew that had to be the MICROSOFT building because they gave me a technically correct but completely useless reply."

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HILARIOUS AIR HOSTESS JOKES - TEA FIRST

After been in a flight the pilot turns on the speakers to tell the passengers that in one hour time they would be landing, he forgot to turn off the speaker and says to the other pilot 'mi a drink some tea an then guh fuck the air hostess'...

The air hostess heard and started to run towards the cockpit to tell him that the speaker is on, so a little boy puts his foot in the way and she tripped and fell he then looks down on her and says 'yuh nuh hear d man seh him a drink some tea fus'

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FUNNY SHORT JOKES - OPTIONS FOR LUNCH

Air hostess: Would you like to have lunch, sir?
Passenger: Hmm, what are my options?
Air hostess: Yes, or no!

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