Dost: "Oye tera 1 dand neela kiddan ho gaya?"
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Sardar ji: "Yaar main ne ink lagaee hai."
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Dost: "Woh kion?"
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Sardar: "Kion k aaj kal "BLUETOOTH" bohat mashhoor ho gaya hai."
Showing posts with label Internet Jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Internet Jokes. Show all posts
VERY VERY FUNNY JOKES - LIEK A BOSS
"Very funny moment"
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When
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"Knowing every single word of a movie and reciting it like a boss."
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When
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"Knowing every single word of a movie and reciting it like a boss."
FUNNY ONE LINERS - PARANORMAL ACTIVITY
I hate when I'm trying to sleep and my brain is like, "You know what's a great movie?"
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"Paranormal activity."
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"Paranormal activity."
SHORT FUNNY TWITTER JOKES - TWITTER
"Twitter is really just a great excuse to talk to your self without looking stupid..."
HILARIOUS MICROSOFT JOKES - TECHNICALITY
A helicopter was flying around above Seattle yesterday when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communication equipment. Due to the clouds and haze the pilot could not determine his position or course to steer to the airport. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, drew a handwritten sign and held it in the helicopter's window. The sign said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters.
People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign and held it in a building window. Their sign said, "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER." The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map and determined the course to steer to SEATAC (Seattle/Tacoma) airport and landed safely.
After they were on the ground, the co-pilot asked the pilot how the "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER" sign helped determine their position.
The pilot responded, "I knew that had to be the MICROSOFT building because they gave me a technically correct but completely useless reply."
People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign and held it in a building window. Their sign said, "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER." The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map and determined the course to steer to SEATAC (Seattle/Tacoma) airport and landed safely.
After they were on the ground, the co-pilot asked the pilot how the "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER" sign helped determine their position.
The pilot responded, "I knew that had to be the MICROSOFT building because they gave me a technically correct but completely useless reply."
FUNNY SHORT JOKES - MYSTERY ADVENTURE GAME
This customer comes into the computer store.
"I'm looking for a mystery Adventure Game with lots of graphics. You know, something really challenging."
"Well," replied the clerk, "Have you tried Windows 98?"
HILARIOUS JOKES - FOR THE TECHNICALLY CHALLENGED
Just in case you think you are TC (technologically challenged). The following is an excerpt taken from a Wall Street Journal article:
1.Compaq is considering changing the command “Press Any Key” to “Press Return Key” because of the flood of calls asking where the “Any” key is.
2.AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in.
3.Another Compaq technician received a call from a man complaining that the system wouldn’t read word processing files from his old diskettes. After trouble-shooting for magnets and heat failed to diagnose the problem, it was found that the customer had labeled the diskettes, then rolled them into the typewriter to type the labels.
4.Another AST customer was asked to send a copy of her defective diskettes. A few days later a letter arrived from the customer along with photocopies of the floppies.
5.A Dell technician advised his customer to put his troubled floppy back in the drive and close the door. The customer asked the tech to hold on, and was heard putting the phone down, getting up and crossing the room to close the door to his room.
6.Another Dell customer called to say he couldn’t get his computer to fax anything. After 40 minutes of trouble-shooting, the technician discovered the man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it in front of the monitor screen and hitting the “send” key.
7.Yet another Dell customer called to complain that his keyboard no longer worked. He had cleaned it by filling up his tub with soap and water and soaking the keyboard for a day, then removing all the keys and washing them individually.
8.A Dell technician received a call from a customer who was enraged because his computer had told him he was “bad and an invalid”. The tech explained that the computer’s “bad command” and “invalid” responses shouldn’t be taken personally.
9.A confused caller to IBM was having troubles printing documents. He told the technician that the computer had said it “couldn’t find printer”. The user had also tried turning the computer screen to face the printer – but that his computer still couldn’t “see” the printer.
10.An exasperated caller to Dell Computer Tech Support couldn’t get her new Dell Computer to turn on. After ensuring the computer was plugged in, the technician asked her what happened when she pushed the power button. Her response, “I pushed and pushed on this foot pedal and nothing happens.” The “foot pedal” turned out to be the computer’s mouse.
11.Another customer called Compaq tech support to say her brand-new computer wouldn’t work. She said she unpacked the unit, plugged it in and sat there for 20 minutes waiting for something to happen. When asked what happened when she pressed the power switch, she asked “What power switch?”
12.True story from a Novell NetWire SysOp:
Caller: “Hello, is this Tech Support?”
Tech: “Yes, it is. How may I help you?”
Caller: “The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am within my warranty period. How do I go about getting that fixed?”
Tech: “I’m sorry, but did you say a cup holder?”
Caller: “Yes, it’s attached to the front of my computer.”
Tech: “Please excuse me if I seem a bit stumped, It’s because I am. Did you receive this as part of a promotional, at a trade show? How did you get this cup holder? Does it have any trademark on it?”
Caller: “It came with my computer, I don’t know anything about a promotional. It just has ’4X’ on it.” At this point the Tech Rep had to mute the caller, because he couldn’t stand it. He was laughing too hard. The caller had been using the load drawer of the CD-ROM drive as a cup holder, and snapped it off the drive!
13.Another IBM customer had troubles installing software and rang for support. “I put in the first disk, and that was OK. It said to put in the second disk, and had some problems with the disk. When it said to put in the third disk – I couldn’t even fit it in…” The user hadn’t realized that “Insert Disk 2″ meant to remove Disk 1 first.
14.In a similar incident, a customer had followed the instructions for installing software. The instructions said to remove the disk from it’s cover and insert into the drive. The user had physically removed the casing of the disk and wondered why there were problems.
As Ripley would say, believe it or not!
1.Compaq is considering changing the command “Press Any Key” to “Press Return Key” because of the flood of calls asking where the “Any” key is.
2.AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in.
3.Another Compaq technician received a call from a man complaining that the system wouldn’t read word processing files from his old diskettes. After trouble-shooting for magnets and heat failed to diagnose the problem, it was found that the customer had labeled the diskettes, then rolled them into the typewriter to type the labels.
4.Another AST customer was asked to send a copy of her defective diskettes. A few days later a letter arrived from the customer along with photocopies of the floppies.
5.A Dell technician advised his customer to put his troubled floppy back in the drive and close the door. The customer asked the tech to hold on, and was heard putting the phone down, getting up and crossing the room to close the door to his room.
6.Another Dell customer called to say he couldn’t get his computer to fax anything. After 40 minutes of trouble-shooting, the technician discovered the man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it in front of the monitor screen and hitting the “send” key.
7.Yet another Dell customer called to complain that his keyboard no longer worked. He had cleaned it by filling up his tub with soap and water and soaking the keyboard for a day, then removing all the keys and washing them individually.
8.A Dell technician received a call from a customer who was enraged because his computer had told him he was “bad and an invalid”. The tech explained that the computer’s “bad command” and “invalid” responses shouldn’t be taken personally.
9.A confused caller to IBM was having troubles printing documents. He told the technician that the computer had said it “couldn’t find printer”. The user had also tried turning the computer screen to face the printer – but that his computer still couldn’t “see” the printer.
10.An exasperated caller to Dell Computer Tech Support couldn’t get her new Dell Computer to turn on. After ensuring the computer was plugged in, the technician asked her what happened when she pushed the power button. Her response, “I pushed and pushed on this foot pedal and nothing happens.” The “foot pedal” turned out to be the computer’s mouse.
11.Another customer called Compaq tech support to say her brand-new computer wouldn’t work. She said she unpacked the unit, plugged it in and sat there for 20 minutes waiting for something to happen. When asked what happened when she pressed the power switch, she asked “What power switch?”
12.True story from a Novell NetWire SysOp:
Caller: “Hello, is this Tech Support?”
Tech: “Yes, it is. How may I help you?”
Caller: “The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am within my warranty period. How do I go about getting that fixed?”
Tech: “I’m sorry, but did you say a cup holder?”
Caller: “Yes, it’s attached to the front of my computer.”
Tech: “Please excuse me if I seem a bit stumped, It’s because I am. Did you receive this as part of a promotional, at a trade show? How did you get this cup holder? Does it have any trademark on it?”
Caller: “It came with my computer, I don’t know anything about a promotional. It just has ’4X’ on it.” At this point the Tech Rep had to mute the caller, because he couldn’t stand it. He was laughing too hard. The caller had been using the load drawer of the CD-ROM drive as a cup holder, and snapped it off the drive!
13.Another IBM customer had troubles installing software and rang for support. “I put in the first disk, and that was OK. It said to put in the second disk, and had some problems with the disk. When it said to put in the third disk – I couldn’t even fit it in…” The user hadn’t realized that “Insert Disk 2″ meant to remove Disk 1 first.
14.In a similar incident, a customer had followed the instructions for installing software. The instructions said to remove the disk from it’s cover and insert into the drive. The user had physically removed the casing of the disk and wondered why there were problems.
As Ripley would say, believe it or not!
HILARIOUS JOKES - THE TEST
Two young engineers applied for a single position at a computer company. They both had the same qualifications.
In order to determine which individual to hire, the applicants were asked to take a test by the department manager.
Upon completion of the test, both men missed only one of the questions. The manager went to the first applicant and said, "Thank you for your interest, but we've decided to give the job to the other applicant."
"And why would you be doing that? We both got 9 questions correct," asked the rejected applicant.
"We have based our decision not on the correct answers, but on the question you missed," said the department manager.
"And just how would one incorrect answer be better than the other?" the rejected applicant inquired.
"Simple," said the department manager, "Your fellow applicant put down on question #5, 'I don't know.' You put down, 'Neither do I.'"
In order to determine which individual to hire, the applicants were asked to take a test by the department manager.
Upon completion of the test, both men missed only one of the questions. The manager went to the first applicant and said, "Thank you for your interest, but we've decided to give the job to the other applicant."
"And why would you be doing that? We both got 9 questions correct," asked the rejected applicant.
"We have based our decision not on the correct answers, but on the question you missed," said the department manager.
"And just how would one incorrect answer be better than the other?" the rejected applicant inquired.
"Simple," said the department manager, "Your fellow applicant put down on question #5, 'I don't know.' You put down, 'Neither do I.'"
HILARIOUS JOKES - AS OLD AS
The census taker knocked on Donna’s door. She answered all his questions except one. She refused to tell him her age.
“But everyone tells their age to the census taker,” he said.
“Did Miss Maisy Hill, and Miss Daisy Hill tell you their ages?” she asked.
“Certainly,” he replied “Well, I’m the same age as they are,” she snapped.
“As old as the Hills,” he wrote on his form.
“But everyone tells their age to the census taker,” he said.
“Did Miss Maisy Hill, and Miss Daisy Hill tell you their ages?” she asked.
“Certainly,” he replied “Well, I’m the same age as they are,” she snapped.
“As old as the Hills,” he wrote on his form.
VERY FUNNY URDU JOKES - TALASH-E-GUMSHUDA
Aik shakhs ki biwi gum ho gaee to uss shakhs ne akhbaar mein gum shudgi ki ittala kuch youn
di: "Meri biwi pichlay jummay ko gum ho gaee hai agar kisi ne ittala denay ki koshish ki to
main ussay jaan se maar don ga."
VERY VERY FUNNY URDU JOKES - CINEMA
Aik dass (10) saala bachay ne aik ameer boorrhay se kaha: "Agar aap mujhay tees (30) rupay
day dein to main bichrray huye waldein k paas pohnch jaon ga."
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Ameer admi ne tars kha kar tees (30) rupay uss ko detay huye poocha: "Betay! Tumharay waldein kahan hein?"
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Bachay ne jawab diya: "Woh saamnay walay cinema mein film daikh rahay hein."
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Ameer admi ne tars kha kar tees (30) rupay uss ko detay huye poocha: "Betay! Tumharay waldein kahan hein?"
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Bachay ne jawab diya: "Woh saamnay walay cinema mein film daikh rahay hein."
FUNNY URDU JOKES - GULOOKAAR
Kuch logon ne shoqia aik gulookaar ko dawat di.
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Jab gulookaar ghar aaya to uss ne poocha: "Kaunsa gana sunaon?"
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Unn logon mein se aik ne kaha: "Koi sa bhi suna do, ham ne to sirf parrosiyon se makan khali karana hai."
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Jab gulookaar ghar aaya to uss ne poocha: "Kaunsa gana sunaon?"
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Unn logon mein se aik ne kaha: "Koi sa bhi suna do, ham ne to sirf parrosiyon se makan khali karana hai."
FUNNY URDU JOKES - T.V PER BARRAY LOG
Pathan apnay dost sardar se: "Hamaray haan barray barray log aatay hein."
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Sardar ne poocha: "Phir woh to siren wali gaarriyon per aatay hon gay?"
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Pathan: "Nahi yaar! Woh to hamaray haan T.V per aatay hein."
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Sardar ne poocha: "Phir woh to siren wali gaarriyon per aatay hon gay?"
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Pathan: "Nahi yaar! Woh to hamaray haan T.V per aatay hein."
FUNNY URDU JOKES - GUINNESS BOOK OF WORLD RECORD
Duniya bhar k scientists aik aisa computer bana rahay thay jo k har sawal ka jawab day sakta tha.
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Bil-aakhir woh apni koshishon mein kamyaab ho gaye.
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Team k sarbarah ne pehla sawal kiya: "Yeh duniya kaisay bani?"
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Jawab mila: "Guinness book of world record daikhein."
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Bil-aakhir woh apni koshishon mein kamyaab ho gaye.
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Team k sarbarah ne pehla sawal kiya: "Yeh duniya kaisay bani?"
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Jawab mila: "Guinness book of world record daikhein."
HILARIOUS FACEBOOK AND TWITTER UPDATES
- The average power nap is 20 minutes. This works out well because I can fit 3 of them evenly into one hour.
- If you blink your eyes really fast, it looks like there are strobe lights in the room. I have been having random parties throughout the day!
- When butterflies are in love, do they feel human’s in their stomach? :)
- I love in horror movies how the person yells out “hello?!” as if the killer is gonna say “yeah I’m in the kitchen, want a sandwich?”
- Autocorrect can kiss my ask..!!
- Sticks & stones may break my bones, BUT chains & whips excite me!
FUNNY ONE LINERS - LIKING ON FACEBOOK
I am wondering why Facebook bothers to give the option of “liking” my own comment? Of course I like my own comments. I’m awesome :p
URDU JOKES ROZAY WALAY DIN EID MANAYE
Jo Eid walay din roza rakhay woh shaitan hai.
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Aur jo rozay walay din Eid manaye woh?
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Woh pathan hai.
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Express news:
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(Har pathan per nazar.)
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Aur jo rozay walay din Eid manaye woh?
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Woh pathan hai.
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Express news:
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(Har pathan per nazar.)
HILARIOUS JOKES - THE THREE MUSKETEERS
A Software Engineer, a Hardware Engineer and a Branch Manager were on their way to a meeting. They were driving down a steep mountain road when suddenly the brakes on their car failed. The car careened almost out of control down the road, bouncing off the crash barriers, until it miraculously ground to a halt scraping along the mountainside.
The car's occupants, shaken but unhurt, now had a problem: they were stuck halfway down a mountain in a car with no brakes.
"I know," said the Branch Manager, "Let's have a meeting, propose a Vision, formulate a Mission Statement, define some Goals, and by a process of Continuous Improvement find a solution to the Critical Problems, and we can be on our way."
"No, no," said the Hardware Engineer, "That will take far too long, and besides, that method has never worked before. I've got my Swiss Army knife with me, and in no time at all I can strip down the car's braking system, isolate the fault, fix it, and we can be on our way."
"Well," said the Software Engineer, "Before we do anything, I think we should push the car back up the road and see if it happens again."
The car's occupants, shaken but unhurt, now had a problem: they were stuck halfway down a mountain in a car with no brakes.
"I know," said the Branch Manager, "Let's have a meeting, propose a Vision, formulate a Mission Statement, define some Goals, and by a process of Continuous Improvement find a solution to the Critical Problems, and we can be on our way."
"No, no," said the Hardware Engineer, "That will take far too long, and besides, that method has never worked before. I've got my Swiss Army knife with me, and in no time at all I can strip down the car's braking system, isolate the fault, fix it, and we can be on our way."
"Well," said the Software Engineer, "Before we do anything, I think we should push the car back up the road and see if it happens again."
HILARIOUS JOKES - DRIVE TO DISNEYLAND
Two blondes were driving to Disneyland.
The sign said: "Disneyland Left."
So they started crying and headed home.
The sign said: "Disneyland Left."
So they started crying and headed home.
HILARIOUS JOKES - WORST PLANE CRASH
Worst Air Disaster occurred today when a small plane crashed into a cemetery early this afternoon in central Poland. Polish search and rescue workers have recovered 826 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the night.
