A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
Showing posts with label Sports Jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Sports Jokes. Show all posts
MOST HILARIOUS URDU JOKES - SHOQ
Aadmi doctor se: "Umar lambi karnay k liye koi tareeqa bataein."
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Doctor: "Shaadi karwa lo."
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Aadmi: "To kya shaadi karwanay se umar lambi ho jaye gi?"
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Doctor: "Nahi, yeh shoq khatam ho jaye ga."
MOST FUNNY TWEETS - 42 MUSCLES
"Did you know when someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles to frown but only 4 to extend your arm and punch them in the face..."
MOST HILARIOUS ONE LINERS - DEAR MARIO
"Dear Mario, I wasted my childhood trying to save your girlfriend... You owe me..."
FUNNY SHORT TWEETS - MARIO
"All guys should learn from Mario. No matter how far their princess is, they should go after her..."
MOST HILARIOUS SARDAR JI JOKES - PAANI MEIN
Pathan sardar ji se: "Yar tu nay swimming kahan seekhi thi?"
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Sardar ji: "Paani mein."
HILARIOUS JOKES - THE HORSE MASTER
A guy walks into a bar.
Guy: Hey barkeeper, gimme a beer.
Barkeeper: Tell you what, if you can make that horse out there laugh, I'll give you a free beer and $500.
So, the guy walks outside and whispers to the horse. The horse laughs. The guy walks back in.
Guy: Where's my $500 and free beer?
Barkeeper: Alright, double or nothing says you can't make that horse cry.
The guy walks outside again. The barkeeper chuckles to himself as he's cleaning a glass and misses what the guy does, but he hears the horse crying. The guy comes back in.
Guy: Where's my $1000 and two free beers?
Barkeeper: What did you say to make the horse laugh?
Guy: I told him I have a bigger penis than him.
Barkeeper: And what did you do to make him cry?
Guy: I showed him!
Guy: Hey barkeeper, gimme a beer.
Barkeeper: Tell you what, if you can make that horse out there laugh, I'll give you a free beer and $500.
So, the guy walks outside and whispers to the horse. The horse laughs. The guy walks back in.
Guy: Where's my $500 and free beer?
Barkeeper: Alright, double or nothing says you can't make that horse cry.
The guy walks outside again. The barkeeper chuckles to himself as he's cleaning a glass and misses what the guy does, but he hears the horse crying. The guy comes back in.
Guy: Where's my $1000 and two free beers?
Barkeeper: What did you say to make the horse laugh?
Guy: I told him I have a bigger penis than him.
Barkeeper: And what did you do to make him cry?
Guy: I showed him!
HILARIOUS JOKES - THE FAIR GAME
St. Peter and Satan were having an argument one day about baseball. Satan proposed a game to be played on neutral grounds between a select team from the heavenly host and his own hand-picked boys.
"Very well," said the gatekeeper of Heaven. "But you realize, I hope, that we've got all the good players and the best coaches."
"I know, and that's all right," Satan answered unperturbed. "We've got all the umpires."
"Very well," said the gatekeeper of Heaven. "But you realize, I hope, that we've got all the good players and the best coaches."
"I know, and that's all right," Satan answered unperturbed. "We've got all the umpires."
FUNNY SHORT JOKES - MYSTERY ADVENTURE GAME
This customer comes into the computer store.
"I'm looking for a mystery Adventure Game with lots of graphics. You know, something really challenging."
"Well," replied the clerk, "Have you tried Windows 98?"
HILARIOUS JOKES - THE JEWISH SAMURAI
In days long past, a Chinese emperor needed a new samurai to be his personal bodyguard. He sent out a message to all the lands summoning the best warriors to his court in three years time.
The day of the summoning arrives, and only three warriors present themselves.
The first, a Japanese Samurai, stepped forward. He opened a matchbox to release a fly into the air. With a slash of his sword, the tiny fly drops to the ground, chopped in half.
The second, a Chinese Samurai, stepped forward. He too opened a matchbox to release a mosquito into the air. With two quick chops, the mosquito dropped dead in four pieces.
The third, a Jewish Samurai, stepped forward. He opened his matchbox to set a small fruit fly flying in the air. He slashed the air, but the fruit fly continued to fly.
The Emperor, disappointed, asked why the fruit fly was not dead.
The Jewish Samurai replied, "If you look closely, you will notice that the fruit fly was just circumcised."
The day of the summoning arrives, and only three warriors present themselves.
The first, a Japanese Samurai, stepped forward. He opened a matchbox to release a fly into the air. With a slash of his sword, the tiny fly drops to the ground, chopped in half.
The second, a Chinese Samurai, stepped forward. He too opened a matchbox to release a mosquito into the air. With two quick chops, the mosquito dropped dead in four pieces.
The third, a Jewish Samurai, stepped forward. He opened his matchbox to set a small fruit fly flying in the air. He slashed the air, but the fruit fly continued to fly.
The Emperor, disappointed, asked why the fruit fly was not dead.
The Jewish Samurai replied, "If you look closely, you will notice that the fruit fly was just circumcised."
HILARIOUS JOKES - THE ART OF IMPRESSING
HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN:
* Compliment her
* cuddle her
* kiss her
* caress her
* love her
* stroke her
* tease her
* comfort her
* protect her
* hug her
* hold her
* spend money on her
* wine & dine her
* buy things for her
* listen to her
* care for her
* stand by her
* support her
* go to the ends of the earth for her....
HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN:
* Show up naked.
* Compliment her
* cuddle her
* kiss her
* caress her
* love her
* stroke her
* tease her
* comfort her
* protect her
* hug her
* hold her
* spend money on her
* wine & dine her
* buy things for her
* listen to her
* care for her
* stand by her
* support her
* go to the ends of the earth for her....
HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN:
* Show up naked.
HILARIOUS JOKES - ONCE AND ONLY ONCE
A sale representative stops at a small manufacturing plant. He presents a box of cigars to the manager as a gift.
"No, thanks," says the plant manager. "I tried smoking a cigar once, but I didn't like it."
The sales rep shows his display case and then, hoping to clinch a sale, offers to take the manager out for a round of drinks.
"No, thanks," the plant manager replies. "You know, I tried alcohol once, but didn't like it."
Then the salesman glances out the office window and sees a golf course.
"I suppose you play golf," says the salesman. "I'd like to invite you to be a guest at my club."
"That's kind of you, but no, thanks," the manager says. "I played golf once, but I didn't like it."
Just then a young man enters the office.
"Let me introduce my son, Mike," says the plant manager.
"Let me guess," the salesman replies. "An only child?"
"No, thanks," says the plant manager. "I tried smoking a cigar once, but I didn't like it."
The sales rep shows his display case and then, hoping to clinch a sale, offers to take the manager out for a round of drinks.
"No, thanks," the plant manager replies. "You know, I tried alcohol once, but didn't like it."
Then the salesman glances out the office window and sees a golf course.
"I suppose you play golf," says the salesman. "I'd like to invite you to be a guest at my club."
"That's kind of you, but no, thanks," the manager says. "I played golf once, but I didn't like it."
Just then a young man enters the office.
"Let me introduce my son, Mike," says the plant manager.
"Let me guess," the salesman replies. "An only child?"
HILARIOUS JOKES - THE ROLL CALL
It was early morning at the military base, and the first sergeant was calling out names for the daily work parties listed on a piece of paper:
"Ames"
"Here!"
"Jenson"
"Here!"
"Jones"
"Here!"
"Magersky"
"Here!"
"Seeback"
No answer.
"Seeback!"
No answer was heard again.
"SEEBACK!!!" The troops remained totally silent.
At that point, someone whispered into the first sergeant's ear. He looked again at what the last name really said, quickly turned over the list and continued calling the names printed on the other side.
"Ames"
"Here!"
"Jenson"
"Here!"
"Jones"
"Here!"
"Magersky"
"Here!"
"Seeback"
No answer.
"Seeback!"
No answer was heard again.
"SEEBACK!!!" The troops remained totally silent.
At that point, someone whispered into the first sergeant's ear. He looked again at what the last name really said, quickly turned over the list and continued calling the names printed on the other side.
HILARIOUS JOKES - LEAVING FOR ADVENTURE
During one "generation gap" quarrel with his parents young Michael cried, "I want excitement, adventure, money, and beautiful women. I'll never find it here at home, so I'm leaving. Don't try and stop me!"
With that he headed toward the door. His father rose and followed close behind.
"Didn't you hear what I said? I don't want you to try and stop me."
"Who's trying to stop you?" replied his father. "If you wait a minute, I'll go with you."
With that he headed toward the door. His father rose and followed close behind.
"Didn't you hear what I said? I don't want you to try and stop me."
"Who's trying to stop you?" replied his father. "If you wait a minute, I'll go with you."
REALLY FUNNY URDU JOKES - BHAINS
Teen (3) pathan subh ki sair kar rahay thay k unn ko aik bhains nazar aaee jiss k munh se jhaag
nikal raha tha.
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Aik ne kaha: "Daikho, bhains saban kha rahi hai."
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Doosra bola: "Nahi bhaee! Bhains saraf kha rahi hai.
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Teesray ne kaha: "Tum donon bilkul bewaqoof ho, bhains to toothbrush kar rahi hai."
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Aik ne kaha: "Daikho, bhains saban kha rahi hai."
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Doosra bola: "Nahi bhaee! Bhains saraf kha rahi hai.
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Teesray ne kaha: "Tum donon bilkul bewaqoof ho, bhains to toothbrush kar rahi hai."
VERY FUNNY URDU JOKES - RAIL GAARRI
Pathan (sardar se): "Main aik martaba nahaya to pani dass (10) meel tak phail gaya."
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Sardar: "Yeh kaisay mumkin hai?"
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Pathan: "Bilkul mumkin hai kionkeh main rail gaarri k ghusal khanay mein naha raha tha."
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Sardar: "Yeh kaisay mumkin hai?"
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Pathan: "Bilkul mumkin hai kionkeh main rail gaarri k ghusal khanay mein naha raha tha."
VERY FUNNY URDU JOKES - MOTAPAY KA ILAJ
Aik motapay se bezaar aik shakhs doctor k paas gaya to uss ne pachas goliyon se bhari aik
sheeshi ussay pakrra di.
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Mareez ne pur ummeed ho kar poocha: "Doctor sahb! Kya yeh sab goliyaan khanay se meray motapay mein khatir khaw kami jo jaye gi?"
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Doctor ne jawab diya: "Yeh goliyan khanay k liye nahi hein, aap har roz subh saweray bistar se uthnay k baad iss sheeshi ki tamaam goliyan farsh per ulat dein aur sheeshi apnay qad k brabar kisi oonchi jagah per rakh dein.
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Iss k baad baari baari aik goli farsh se uthaein aur sheeshi mein daaltay jaein, chand roz tak yeh ilaj baqaeydgi se karein, inshallah afaqa ho ga."
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Mareez ne pur ummeed ho kar poocha: "Doctor sahb! Kya yeh sab goliyaan khanay se meray motapay mein khatir khaw kami jo jaye gi?"
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Doctor ne jawab diya: "Yeh goliyan khanay k liye nahi hein, aap har roz subh saweray bistar se uthnay k baad iss sheeshi ki tamaam goliyan farsh per ulat dein aur sheeshi apnay qad k brabar kisi oonchi jagah per rakh dein.
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Iss k baad baari baari aik goli farsh se uthaein aur sheeshi mein daaltay jaein, chand roz tak yeh ilaj baqaeydgi se karein, inshallah afaqa ho ga."
FUNNY URDU JOKES - HOCKEY PLAYER
Kisi ne hockey k khilarri se poocha: "College mein tumhara bhai kaisa hai?"
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Khilarri ne jawab diya: "Half back."
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Uss admi ne poocha: "Mera matlab hai parrhai mein kaisa hai?"
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Khilarri ne jawab diya: "Oh! Taleem k maidan mein to woh full back hai."
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Khilarri ne jawab diya: "Half back."
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Uss admi ne poocha: "Mera matlab hai parrhai mein kaisa hai?"
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Khilarri ne jawab diya: "Oh! Taleem k maidan mein to woh full back hai."
