"What made you marry Daddy, Mummy?"
"So you're beginning to wonder, too!"
"So you're beginning to wonder, too!"
Showing posts with label Shaadi Jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Shaadi Jokes. Show all posts
VERY FUNNY URDU JOKES - 90 LAAKH KI ZUROORAT
Chaar (4) larkiyon k baap ne akhbar mein ishtehar diya k jo larka meri kisi larki se shaadi karay ga, ussay larki ki umar k mutabiq utnay hi laakh rupay jahaiz mein naqad diye jaein gay.
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Doosray din aik phone mosool hua: "Hello! Inn chaaron mein koi 90 saal ki bhi hai?"
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Doosray din aik phone mosool hua: "Hello! Inn chaaron mein koi 90 saal ki bhi hai?"
HILARIOUS JOKES - THE BETTER ONE
Two little boys were arguing.
“My father is better than your father!”
“No he’s not!”
“My brother is better than your brother!”
“No he’s not!”
“My mother is better than your mother!”
The second boy paused. “Well I guess you’ve got me there. My father says the same thing.”
MOST FUNNY SARDAR'S JOKES - SALGIRAH
"Shadi ki salgirah per sardar biwi k liye 'Gulab' k phool lay aaya."
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Biwi: "Mujhay yeh nahi chahiye, mujhay koi sonay ki cheez do."
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Sardar: "Yeh lo 'Takiya' aur so jao."
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Biwi: "Mujhay yeh nahi chahiye, mujhay koi sonay ki cheez do."
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Sardar: "Yeh lo 'Takiya' aur so jao."
VERY VERY FUNNY URDU SHADI JOKES - FARQ
Question: "Naye aur puranay shadi shuda jorron mein kya farq hai?"
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Answer: "Naya jorra 'LIPS' mila kar sota hai."
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"Aur purana jorra 'HIPS' mila kar..."
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Answer: "Naya jorra 'LIPS' mila kar sota hai."
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"Aur purana jorra 'HIPS' mila kar..."
MOST HILARIOUS URDU JOKES - SHOQ
Aadmi doctor se: "Umar lambi karnay k liye koi tareeqa bataein."
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Doctor: "Shaadi karwa lo."
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Aadmi: "To kya shaadi karwanay se umar lambi ho jaye gi?"
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Doctor: "Nahi, yeh shoq khatam ho jaye ga."
MOST FUNNY SHORT URDU JOKES - ITTAFAAQ SE
Teacher: "Ittafaaq' ka jumla banao?"
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Student: "Jiss din meray abbu ki shaadi thi, Ittafaaq se ussi din meri ammi ki bhi shaadi thi."
MOST HILARIOUS MARRIAGE JOKE - FOOL
Following a bitter divorce a husband saw his wife at a party and sneered: "You know, I was a fool when I married you."
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The wife simply sighed and replied, "Yes, dear, I know, but I was in love and didn't really notice."
REALLY FUNNY URDU JOKES - B.COM
Pathan: "Yaar meray liye kisi achi si larki ka rishta talash kar."
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Sardar: " Aik larki hai B.com ki..."
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Pathan: "Yaar kisi bhi qoum ki ho, bus parhi likhi honi chahiye."
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Sardar: " Aik larki hai B.com ki..."
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Pathan: "Yaar kisi bhi qoum ki ho, bus parhi likhi honi chahiye."
HILARIOUS JOKES - IF YOU FIRMED THIS UP
One morning while making breakfast, a man walked up to his wife, pinched her on the bottom, and said: "If you firmed this up, we could get rid of your control top pantyhose." While this offended her, she kept silent.
The next morning, the man woke his wife with a pinch on each of her breasts and said: "You know, if you firmed these up, we could get rid of your bra." This, she decided, was beyond a silent response, so she rolled over and grabbed his crotch.
With a death grip in place, she said: "You know, if you firmed this up, we could get rid of the gardener and the pool man."
The next morning, the man woke his wife with a pinch on each of her breasts and said: "You know, if you firmed these up, we could get rid of your bra." This, she decided, was beyond a silent response, so she rolled over and grabbed his crotch.
With a death grip in place, she said: "You know, if you firmed this up, we could get rid of the gardener and the pool man."
FUNNY SHORT JOKES - NICE WEEKEND
Husband asked his wife:
- Would you like to spend a nice weekend?
- Of course my dear!
- See you on Monday then.
- Would you like to spend a nice weekend?
- Of course my dear!
- See you on Monday then.
HILARIOUS JOKES - TO BE IN TUNE
Husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed. The passion is heating up. But then the wife stops and says, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."
The husband says, "WHAT??"
The wife explains that he must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a Woman.
The husband realizes that nothing is going to happen tonight and he might as well deal with it.
So the next day the husband takes her shopping at a big department store. He walks around and has her try on three very expensive outfits. She can't decide. He tells his wife to take all three of them. Then they go over and get matching shoes worth $200 each. And then they go to the Jewelry Department where she gets a set of diamond
ear rings.
The wife is so excited. She thinks her husband has flipped out -- but she does not care. She goes for the tennis bracelet. The husband says "but you don't even play tennis, but OK if you like it then let's get it."
The wife is jumping up and down so excited she cannot even believe what is going on. She says "I am ready to go, let's go to the cash register."
The husband says, "No, no, no, honey we're not going to buy all this stuff."
The wife's face goes blank. "No honey - I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while." Her face gets really mad and she is about to explode and the Husband says, "You must not be in tune with my financial needs as a Man!!!"
The husband says, "WHAT??"
The wife explains that he must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a Woman.
The husband realizes that nothing is going to happen tonight and he might as well deal with it.
So the next day the husband takes her shopping at a big department store. He walks around and has her try on three very expensive outfits. She can't decide. He tells his wife to take all three of them. Then they go over and get matching shoes worth $200 each. And then they go to the Jewelry Department where she gets a set of diamond
ear rings.
The wife is so excited. She thinks her husband has flipped out -- but she does not care. She goes for the tennis bracelet. The husband says "but you don't even play tennis, but OK if you like it then let's get it."
The wife is jumping up and down so excited she cannot even believe what is going on. She says "I am ready to go, let's go to the cash register."
The husband says, "No, no, no, honey we're not going to buy all this stuff."
The wife's face goes blank. "No honey - I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while." Her face gets really mad and she is about to explode and the Husband says, "You must not be in tune with my financial needs as a Man!!!"
HILARIOUS JOKES - THE WAY YOU'RE THINKING
Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question.
"Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun how many would be left?"
"None" replied Johnny, "cause the rest would fly away".
"Well the answer is four" said the teacher, "but I like the way you are thinking."
Little Johnny says, "I have a question for you now. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was licking her cone, the second was biting the cone and the third was sucking the cone, which one is married?"
"Well" said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone? "
"No", said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you are thinking!"
"Well" said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone? "
"No", said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you are thinking!"
HILARIOUS JOKES - THE CHINESE GUSTO
A Chinese man arranges for a hooker to come to his room for the evening. Once in the room they undress, climb into bed, and go at it.
When finished, the Chinese man jumps up, runs over to the window, takes deep breath, dives under the bed, climbs out the other side, jumps back into bed with the hooker and commences to repeat the performance.
The hooker is impressed with the gusto of the second encounter. When finished, the Chinese man jumps up, runs over to the window, takes a deep breath, dives under the bed, climbs out the other side, jumps back into bed with the hooker and starts again.
The hooker is amazed as this sequence is repeated four times. During the fifth encore, she decides to try it herself.
So when they are done she jumps up, goes to the window and takes a deep breath of fresh air, dives under the bed...and finds four Chinese men.
When finished, the Chinese man jumps up, runs over to the window, takes deep breath, dives under the bed, climbs out the other side, jumps back into bed with the hooker and commences to repeat the performance.
The hooker is impressed with the gusto of the second encounter. When finished, the Chinese man jumps up, runs over to the window, takes a deep breath, dives under the bed, climbs out the other side, jumps back into bed with the hooker and starts again.
The hooker is amazed as this sequence is repeated four times. During the fifth encore, she decides to try it herself.
So when they are done she jumps up, goes to the window and takes a deep breath of fresh air, dives under the bed...and finds four Chinese men.
HILARIOUS JOKES - THE ART OF IMPRESSING
HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN:
* Compliment her
* cuddle her
* kiss her
* caress her
* love her
* stroke her
* tease her
* comfort her
* protect her
* hug her
* hold her
* spend money on her
* wine & dine her
* buy things for her
* listen to her
* care for her
* stand by her
* support her
* go to the ends of the earth for her....
HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN:
* Show up naked.
* Compliment her
* cuddle her
* kiss her
* caress her
* love her
* stroke her
* tease her
* comfort her
* protect her
* hug her
* hold her
* spend money on her
* wine & dine her
* buy things for her
* listen to her
* care for her
* stand by her
* support her
* go to the ends of the earth for her....
HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN:
* Show up naked.
FUNNY QUOTES ON SEX
“I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.”
* Tom Clancy
“You know that look women get when they want sex? Me neither.”
* Steve Martin
“Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand.”
* Woody Allen
“Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.”
* Rodney Dangerfield
“There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 500SL.”
* Lynn Lavner
“Leaving sex to the feminists is like letting your dog vacation at the taxidermist.”
* Matt Barry
“Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.”
* Camille Paglia
“Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation. The other eight are unimportant.”
* George Burns
“Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships.”
* Sharon Stone
“My girlfriend always laughs during sex ~ no matter what she’s reading.”
* Steve Jobs (Founder, Apple Computers)
“I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with “Guess” on it, so I said “Thyroid problem?’”
* Arnold Schwarzenegger
“Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps.”
* Tiger Woods
“My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.”
* Jack Nicholson
“Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is.”
* Barbara Bush (Former US First Lady, and you didn’t think Barbara had a sense of humor!)
“Ah, yes, Divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet.”
* Robin Williams
“Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself.”
* Roseanne
“Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.”
* Billy Crystal
“According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful.”
* Robert De Niro
“There’s a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what’s the problem?”
* Dustin Hoffman
“There’s very little advice in men’s magazines, because men think,’I know what I’m doing. Just show me somebody naked.’”
* Jerry Seinfeld
“Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and just give her a house.”
* Rod Stewart
“See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.”
* Robin Williams
FUNNY URDU JOKES - GHALAT FEHMI
Larki: Main jab bhi tumhen call karun tum shave kar rahe hote ho. Tum din mein kitni dafa shave karte ho?
Larka: Yehi koi 30, 40 dafa.
Larki: Kya tum pagal ho?
Larka: Nahin. Main naai hun!
Larka: Yehi koi 30, 40 dafa.
Larki: Kya tum pagal ho?
Larka: Nahin. Main naai hun!
HILARIOUS JOKES - THE WRONG IDEA
A young couple are out for a romantic walk along a country lane.
They walk hand in hand and as they stroll the guy’s lustful desire rises to a peak.
He is just about to get frisky when she says, “I hope you don’t mind but I really do need to pee.”
Slightly taken aback by this vulgarity he replies, “OK. Why don’t you go behind this hedge.”
She nods agreement and disappears behind the hedge. As he waits he can hear the sound of nylon knickers rolling down her voluptuous legs and imagines what is being exposed. Unable to contain his animal thoughts a moment longer, he reaches a hand through the hedge and touches her leg. He quickly brings his hand further up her thigh until suddenly and with great astonishment finds himself gripping a long, thick appendage hanging between
her legs.
He shouts in horror, “My God Mary … have you changed your sex?”
“No,” she replies. “I’ve changed my mind, I’m having a shit instead.”
They walk hand in hand and as they stroll the guy’s lustful desire rises to a peak.
He is just about to get frisky when she says, “I hope you don’t mind but I really do need to pee.”
Slightly taken aback by this vulgarity he replies, “OK. Why don’t you go behind this hedge.”
She nods agreement and disappears behind the hedge. As he waits he can hear the sound of nylon knickers rolling down her voluptuous legs and imagines what is being exposed. Unable to contain his animal thoughts a moment longer, he reaches a hand through the hedge and touches her leg. He quickly brings his hand further up her thigh until suddenly and with great astonishment finds himself gripping a long, thick appendage hanging between
her legs.
He shouts in horror, “My God Mary … have you changed your sex?”
“No,” she replies. “I’ve changed my mind, I’m having a shit instead.”
HILARIOUS JOKES - HIS STORY VS HER STORY
A couple have been in a relationship for about four months now. One Friday night they meet at a bar after work. They stay for a few, then go on to get some food at a local restaurant near their respective houses. They eat, then go back to his house and she stays over.
Her story:
Well, Ed was in an odd mood when I got to the bar, I thought it might have been because I was a bit late but he didn’t say anything much about it, but the conversation was quite slow going. I thought we should go off somewhere more intimate so we could talk more privately. We went to this restaurant and he’s still a bit funny and I’m trying to cheer him up and start to wonder whether it’s me or something so I ask him and he says no but you know I’m not really sure, so anyway, in the cab back to his house I say that I love him and he just puts his arm around me and I don’t know what the hell that means because, you know, he doesn’t say it back or anything so when we get back to his place I’m wondering if he’s going off me and so I try to ask him about it but he just switches on the TV and so I say I’m going to go to sleep and then after about 10 minutes he joins me and we have sex, but he seemed really distracted and so afterwards I just want to leave and, I dunno, I just don’t know what he thinks anymore. I mean, do you think he’s met someone else ???
His story:
Shit day at work. Great fuck later.
Her story:
Well, Ed was in an odd mood when I got to the bar, I thought it might have been because I was a bit late but he didn’t say anything much about it, but the conversation was quite slow going. I thought we should go off somewhere more intimate so we could talk more privately. We went to this restaurant and he’s still a bit funny and I’m trying to cheer him up and start to wonder whether it’s me or something so I ask him and he says no but you know I’m not really sure, so anyway, in the cab back to his house I say that I love him and he just puts his arm around me and I don’t know what the hell that means because, you know, he doesn’t say it back or anything so when we get back to his place I’m wondering if he’s going off me and so I try to ask him about it but he just switches on the TV and so I say I’m going to go to sleep and then after about 10 minutes he joins me and we have sex, but he seemed really distracted and so afterwards I just want to leave and, I dunno, I just don’t know what he thinks anymore. I mean, do you think he’s met someone else ???
His story:
Shit day at work. Great fuck later.
