Showing posts with label Marriage Jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Marriage Jokes. Show all posts

SHADI KI FILM - VERY FUNNY HUSBAND JOKES

Husband TV Dekhtay howe zor zor se ro raha tha.
Wife: "Konsi film dekh rahay ho jo iss tarah ro rahay ho?"
Husband: "Apni shaadi ki film dekh raha hon."

JAWAZ - VERY VERY FUNNY URDU SHAADI JOKE

Unn donon mein bohat muhabbat thi.
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Unn ki shaadi bhi tay ho chuki thi.
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Magar aik roz donon ka zabardast jhagrra ho gaya.
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Larki ne kaha: "Ham ne bohat acha waqt guzara hai lekin abb ham saath nahi reh saktay. Jab se main ne Nadeem ko dekha hai main uss ki deewani ho gaee hon aur ab uss se hi shaadi karon gi, tum apni yeh mangni ki angoothi wapas lay lo."
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Larkay ne angoothi wapas letay huye kaha: "Kya tum Nadeem ka pata bata sakti ho?"
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"Kya tum uss se intaqam lo gay?" Larki ne darrtay huye poocha.
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"Main iss liye pooch raha hoon k shayed woh yeh angoothi khareed lay." Larkay ne bechargi se kaha.

VERY FUNNY URDU JOKES - 90 LAAKH KI ZUROORAT

Chaar (4) larkiyon k baap ne akhbar mein ishtehar diya k jo larka meri kisi larki se shaadi karay ga, ussay larki ki umar k mutabiq utnay hi laakh rupay jahaiz mein naqad diye jaein gay.
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Doosray din aik phone mosool hua: "Hello! Inn chaaron mein koi 90 saal ki bhi hai?"

MOST HILARIOUS JOKE EVER - HEADACHE

Doctor: "How is your headache...?"
Man: "She is fine sir...!"

MOST FUNNY SARDAR'S JOKES - SALGIRAH

"Shadi ki salgirah per sardar biwi k liye 'Gulab' k phool lay aaya."
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Biwi: "Mujhay yeh nahi chahiye, mujhay koi sonay ki cheez do."
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Sardar: "Yeh lo 'Takiya' aur so jao."

VERY VERY FUNNY URDU SHADI JOKES - FARQ

Question: "Naye aur puranay shadi shuda jorron mein kya farq hai?"
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Answer: "Naya jorra 'LIPS' mila kar sota hai."
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"Aur purana jorra 'HIPS' mila kar..."

MOST HILARIOUS URDU JOKES - SHOQ

Aadmi doctor se: "Umar lambi karnay k liye koi tareeqa bataein."
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Doctor: "Shaadi karwa lo."
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Aadmi: "To kya shaadi karwanay se umar lambi ho jaye gi?"
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Doctor: "Nahi, yeh shoq khatam ho jaye ga."

MOST FUNNY SHORT URDU JOKES - ITTAFAAQ SE

Teacher: "Ittafaaq' ka jumla banao?"
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Student: "Jiss din meray abbu ki shaadi thi, Ittafaaq se ussi din meri ammi ki bhi shaadi thi."

MOST HILARIOUS MARRIAGE JOKE - FOOL

Following a bitter divorce a husband saw his wife at a party and sneered: "You know, I was a fool when I married you."
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The wife simply sighed and replied, "Yes, dear, I know, but I was in love and didn't really notice."

FUNNY SHORT JOKES - NICE WEEKEND

Husband asked his wife:
- Would you like to spend a nice weekend?
- Of course my dear!
- See you on Monday then.

HILARIOUS JOKES - THE ACQUAINTANCE

An elderly couple was driving across the country. While the woman was behind the wheel, the couple was pulled over by the highway patrol.

“Ma’am, did you know you were speeding?” the officer said.

The woman, hard of hearing, turned to her husband and asked, “What did he say?”

“He said you were speeding!” the old man yelled.

The patrolman then asked, “May I see your license?”

The woman turned to her husband again, “What did he say?”

The old man yelled back, “He wants to see your license!”

The woman then gave the officer her license.

“I see you are from Arkansas,” the patrolman said. “I spent some time there once and went on a blind date with the ugliest woman I’ve ever seen.”

The woman turned to her husband again and asked, “What did he say?”

The old man replied, “He said he knows you!”

HILARIOUS JOKES - HE SAID/I SAID

He said to me: "I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it." I said to him: "You wear pants, don't you?


He said to me: "Shall we try swapping positions tonight? I said: "That's a good idea - you stand by the stove & sink while I sit on the sofa and do nothing."


He said to me: "What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?" I said to him: "Turn sideways and look in the mirror!"


He said to me: "Why don't women blink during foreplay?" I said to him: "They don't have time."


He said to me: "How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?" I said to him: "I don't know; it has never happened."


He said to me: "Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good-looking?" I said to him: "They already have boyfriends."


He said to me: "What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?" I said: "A widow."


He said to me: "Why are married women heavier than single women?" I said to him: "Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge."

HILARIOUS JOKES - THE WAY YOU'RE THINKING

Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question.
"Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun how many would be left?"
"None" replied Johnny, "cause the rest would fly away".
"Well the answer is four" said the teacher, "but I like the way you are thinking."
Little Johnny says, "I have a question for you now. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was licking her cone, the second was biting the cone and the third was sucking the cone, which one is married?"
"Well" said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone? "
"No", said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you are thinking!"

FUNNY ONE LINERS - LIVING HAPPILY

My wife and I lived happily for twenty years. Then we met.

HILARIOUS JOKES - LITTLE JOHNNY IN LOVE

A pretty teacher was concerned with one of her students.

Taking him aside after class one day, she asked, “Little Johnny, why has your school work been so poor lately?”

“I’m in love,” the boy replied.

Holding back an urge to smile, she asked, “With whom?”

“With YOU!” he said.

“But Johnny,” she said gently, “don’t you see how silly that is? It’s true that I would like a husband of my own someday. But I don’t want a child.”

“Oh, don’t worry,” the boy said reassuringly, “I’ll use a rubber!”

FUNNY SHORT JOKES - DEALING WITH A BURGLER

A woman woke her husband in the middle of the night and told him "There is a burglar downstairs in the kitchen and he is eating the cake that my mother made for us."
The husband said, "Who shall I call, the police or an ambulance?"

HILARIOUS JOKES - PRETENDING MARRIED

A man and a woman who had never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train. After the initial embarrassment they both go to sleep, the man on the top bunk, the woman on the lower.
In the middle of the night the man leans over, wakes the woman and says, “I’m sorry to bother you, but I’m awfully cold and was wondering if you could possibly get me another blanket?”
The woman leans out and, with a glint in her eye says “I have a better idea, just for tonight, let’s pretend that we’re married!”
The man says happily, “Sure. That sounds great!”
The woman says, “Good… get your own fucking blanket!”

HILARIOUS JOKES - THE ART OF IMPRESSING

HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN:

* Compliment her
* cuddle her
* kiss her
* caress her
* love her
* stroke her
* tease her
* comfort her
* protect her
* hug her
* hold her
* spend money on her
* wine & dine her
* buy things for her
* listen to her
* care for her
* stand by her
* support her
* go to the ends of the earth for her....

HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN:

* Show up naked.

HILARIOUS JOKES - IF.../SEND ME

She sends him a SMS message:
- My dear, if you sleep send me your dreams, if you laugh send me your smile, if you cry send me your tears. I love you.
He answers:
- I’m on latrine duty. What do you want that I send to you?

HILARIOUS JOKES - GENESIS AND EVOLUTION

A little girl asked her mother: "How did the human race appear?"
The mother answered: "God made Adam and Eve and they had children, and so was all mankind made..."
Two days later the girl asked her father the same question..
The father answered: "Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved."
The confused girl returned to her mother and said: "Mom, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God and Dad said they developed from monkeys?"
The mother answered: "Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family and your father told you about his."