REALLY FUNNY URDU JOKES - SURPRISE

Aik khatoon ne dukan mein pohnch kar salesman se kaha: "Main apnay kuttay k liye jarsi bun'na chahti hoon, mujhay kitni oon khareedni chahiye?"
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"Agar aap kuttay ko andar lay aaein to ham andaza laga kar bata saktay hein." Salesman ne mashwara diya.
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"Nahi nahi, main ussay hargiz andar nahi la sakti." Khatoon jaldi se boleen: "Main to ussay surprise dena chahti hoon."

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VERY FUNNY URDU JOKES - 90 LAAKH KI ZUROORAT

Chaar (4) larkiyon k baap ne akhbar mein ishtehar diya k jo larka meri kisi larki se shaadi karay ga, ussay larki ki umar k mutabiq utnay hi laakh rupay jahaiz mein naqad diye jaein gay.
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Doosray din aik phone mosool hua: "Hello! Inn chaaron mein koi 90 saal ki bhi hai?"

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HILARIOUS JOKES - DOING ANYTHING TO PASS

A student comes to a young professor's office hours. She glances down the hall, closes his door, kneels pleadingly.

"I would do anything to pass this exam." She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes. "I mean..." she whispers, "...I would do...anything."

He returns her gaze. "Anything?"

"Anything."

His voice softens. "Anything??"

"Absolutely anything."

His voice turns to a whisper. "Would you...study?"

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HILARIOUS JOKES - BIRTHDAY CAKE

For his wife's birthday, a doctor ordered a cake with this inscription:

"You are not getting older,
You are getting better."

When asked how he wanted it arranged, he said, "Just put 'You are not getting older' at the top, and 'You are just getting better' at the bottom."
It wasn't until the good doctor was ready to serve the cake that he discovered it read:

"YOU ARE NOT GETTING OLDER AT THE TOP, YOU ARE JUST GETTING BETTER AT THE BOTTOM."

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HILARIOUS JOKES - AS OLD AS

The census taker knocked on Donna’s door. She answered all his questions except one. She refused to tell him her age.

“But everyone tells their age to the census taker,” he said.

“Did Miss Maisy Hill, and Miss Daisy Hill tell you their ages?” she asked.

“Certainly,” he replied “Well, I’m the same age as they are,” she snapped.

“As old as the Hills,” he wrote on his form.

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HILARIOUS JOKES - THE OLD AGE

One day at the rest home, an old man and woman are talking. Out of nowhere the woman says, "I can guess your age."

The man doesn't believe her, but tells her to go ahead and try.

"Pull down your pants," she says.

He doesn't understand but does it anyway. She inspects his rear end for a few minutes and then says, "You're 84 years old."

"That's amazing," the man says. "How did you know?"

"You told me yesterday."

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VERY VERY FUNNY URDU JOKES - SAALGIRAH

Aik sheih sahb ne apni saalgirah per doston ko mad'oo kiya.
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Doston ne daikha k cake k beech mein mom batiyon ki bajaye aik blub jal raha hai.
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Doston ne herat se iss ki wajah poochi to sheikh sahb ne jawab diya: "Yeh meri saathween (60th) saalgirah hai aur yeh bulb saath (60) watt ka hai. Darasal mom batiyan bohat mehngi theen."

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VERY VERY FUNNY URDU JOKES - BAJA

Pehla dost (doosray se): "Iss bar tumhein saalgirah per kya kya tohfay milay?"
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Doosray dost ne kaha: "Tohfay to bohat milay lekin aik baja bohat acha hai. Aisa tohfa iss se pehlay kabhi nahi mila."
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Pehla: "Iss mein aisi kya khas baat hai?"
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Doosra: "Ammi mujhay iss ko na bajanay k liye rozana paanch (5) rupay deti hein."

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VERY FUNNY URDU JOKES - LADY DOCTOR

Lady doctor: "Tum roz subh clinic k bahar kharray ho kar aurton ko kion ghoortay ho?"
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Sardar: "Ji aap hi ne to bahar likhawaya hua hai k 'aurton ko daikhnay ka waqt 9AM-11AM'."

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VERY FUNNY URDU JOKES - SAALGIRAH

Aik doctor ne apnay aik mareez ko bill bhijwaya jiss per darj tha: "Aaj yeh bill pooray aik saal ka ho gaya hai lekin adaeygi ab tak nahi huee."
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Mareez ne bill per yeh ibarat likh kar wapas bhijwaya: "Saalgirah mubarak."

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VERY FUNNY URDU JOKES - DAWAT

Intakhabaat jeetnay k baad aik ummeedwar ne apnay illaqay k logon ko dawat di.
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Maizban aur mehmaan dastar khawn per baith gaye aur khanay k saath poora insaaf honay laga.
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Iss doran aik aur sahb aa gaye.
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Maizban ne kaha: "Aap bhi kuch tanawul farmaein."
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Aanay walay sahb kehnay lagay: "Janab! Mujhay bhook to nahi hai lekin thorra bohat kha leta hoon takeh aap ka namak khowar ban jaon."
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Iss per maizban barjista bolay: "Janab! Hamaray haan khanay mein namak nahi hota iss liye aap sirf khowar hi hon gay."

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VERY FUNNY URDU JOKES - ANDHA AUR BOORRHA

Aik shakhs cycle per ja raha tha k achanak aagay aik boorrha aa gaya.
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Cycle uss se takraee aur woh gir parra.
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Boorrhay ko bhi chot aaee.
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Boorrhay ne uth kar apni jaib mein haath daal kar aik rupeya nikala aur cycle walay ko day diya.
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Cycle walay ne herat se kaha: "Baba ji! Main ne hi takkar maari aur rupeya bhi mujhay hi day rahay hein."" . . . Boorrhay shakhs ne kaha: "Nahi yeh baat nahi, main jab bhi shehar aata hoon to aik andhay ko aik rupeya zuroor deta hoon."

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FUNNY URDU JOKES - 11 SAAL AUR 11 MAHEENAY

Ticket checker (larkay se): "Sirf 12 saal se kam umar k bachay hi aadhi ticket per safar kar saktay hein. Tumhari umar kitni hai?"
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Larka: "11 saal, 11 maheenay, 29 dinn aur 23 ghantay."
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Ticket checker: "12 saal kab pooray hon gay?"
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Larka: "Jab main iss bus se bahar nikal jaon ga."

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FUNNY URDU JOKES - GULOOKAR

Aik mehfil-e-moseeqi mein aik nehayat be surray aur be kashish gulookaar ne apna teesra gana shuru kiya: "Main bohat door, bohat door chah jaon ga."
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"Khuda k shukar hai," Aik sahb itminan ki saans lay kar bolay: "Main to samjha tha yeh tamam raat yaheen gaye ga."

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FUNNY URDU JOKES - TANDURUST PHOTOGRAPHER

Churchill ki 80ween saalgirah per aik akhbar k photographer ne mubarak baad pesh kartay huye kaha: "Kitna pur-lutf hoga woh din jab main aap ki 100ween saalgriah per aap ki tasveer utaaron ga."
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Boorrhay siyasi mudabbir ne photographer ko sar se paon tak daikha aur bola: "Haan mujhay to koi wajah nazar nahi aati keh tumhari yeh khawhish poori na ho. Bazahir to tum tandurust hi nazar aatay ho."

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FUNNY URDU JOKES - AABID SAHB SALAN MEIN

Naazish apnay ghar mein bohat barri party day rahi thi. . . . Bad qismati se unn ki masnuee battisee koi bhi dandaan saaz sahi taur per fit na kar saka. . . . Zyada batein (jo khwateen ki aadat hai) kartay waqt woh dheeli ho kar munh se bahar aanay lagti. . . . Unhon ne socha keh party mein khiffat na uthani parray chunaancheh aik mulazim ko hadayat ki keh tum meray munh per nazar rakhna aur junhi battisee ka upper wala hissa nazar aaye, mujh se kehna keh Aabid sahb gate per aa chukay hein. . . . Main khabar daar ho jaon gi aur munh band kar k pehlay battisee drust kar loon gi... . . . Party k doran jab woh mehv-e-guftugu theen to naukar ne do (2) martaba khabar daar kiya keh Aabid sahb gate per aa chukay hein lekin Naazish ne na suna. . . . Thorri dair baad unhein khayal aaya to naukar se poocha: "Tum kya keh rahay thay?" . . . "Ji begum sahiba! Main keh raha tha keh Aabid sahb gate per aa chukay hein... Lekin ab kya faeyda... Ab to woh salan walay dongay mein gir chukay hein."

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VERY VERY FUNNY URDU JOKES - SALESMAN

Aik salesman gahak ko aag bujhanay ka aala khareednay per aamdah kar raha tha.
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Saleman: "Yeh aala pachas (50) baras aap ki khidmat karay ga."
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Gahak ne jawab diya: "Itni umar kis ne yahan rehna hai?"
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Saleman iss ki baat samjhay baghair jaldi se bola: "To kya hua? Aap jahan bhi jaein issay saath lay jaein, yeh wahan bhi aap k kaam aaye ga."

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FUNNY URDU JOKES - ADLAY KA BADLA

Aik aadmi ne martay waqt hichkiyaan letay huye apnay dost se kaha: "Yaar! Pichlay saal tumharay aik laakh rupay ka ghaban main ne hi kiya tha aur factory k mazdooron ko tumharay khilaaf main ne hi bharrkaya tha aur pichlay maheenay..."
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"Bus bus koi baat nahi, mujhay sab pata hai. Main bhi tumhein bata dena chahta hoon keh tumhein zahar main ne diya hai." Dost ne itminan se jawab diya.

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HILARIOUS JOKES - BEST BEER IN THE WORLD

After the Great Britain Beer Festival, in London, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer.
The guy from Corona sits down and says, "Hey Senor, I would like the world's best beer, a Corona."
The bartender dusts off a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him.
The guy from Budweiser says, "I'd like the best beer in the world, give me 'The King Of Beers', a Budweiser."
The bartender gives him one.
The guy from Coors says, "I'd like the only beer made with Rocky Mountain spring water, give me a Coors."
He gets it. The guy from Guinness sits down and says, "Give me a Coke."
The bartender is a little taken aback, but gives him what he ordered.
The other brewery presidents look over at him and ask "Why aren't you drinking a Guinness?" and the Guinness president replies, "Well, I figured if you guys aren't drinking beer, neither would I."

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REALLY FUNNY URDU JOKES - TOHFA

Aik scientist ne apni biwi se kaha: "Main tumhari saalgirah per tumhein aik nayab tohfa day raha hon."
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"Haye aap kitnay achay hein? Kya tohfa dein gay aap mujhay?" Biwi ne khush hotay huye poocha.
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Scientist: "Main ne aik jarsooma daryaft kiya hai, uss ka naam tumharay naam per rakh raha hoon."

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