Where do they get the seeds to plant seedless watermelons?
Showing posts with label Fruit Jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Fruit Jokes. Show all posts
THE DREAM - HILARIOUS JOKE
I saw a dream last night.
Only you and me!
You were looking so innocent...
You know why?
Because I was eating mango, and you were saying: "Chal gittak e de de!!"
Only you and me!
You were looking so innocent...
You know why?
Because I was eating mango, and you were saying: "Chal gittak e de de!!"
VERY VERY FUNNY URDU JOKES - CHUTTI
Do (2) aadmi aik baagh mein ajeeb khail khail rahay thay.
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Aik aadmi aik jaga garrha khodta aur aagay barrh kar doosra garrha khodna shuru kar deta, jab keh doosra aadmi matti daal kar garrha band kar deta.
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Poochnay pe aik ne bataya: "Darasal ham teen (3) aadmi hotay hein. Main garrha khodta hoon, doosra phall k beej daalta hai aur teesra matti se garrhay ko bhar deta hai. Doosra aadmi aaj chutti per hai lekin ham apni duty day rahay hein."
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Aik aadmi aik jaga garrha khodta aur aagay barrh kar doosra garrha khodna shuru kar deta, jab keh doosra aadmi matti daal kar garrha band kar deta.
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Poochnay pe aik ne bataya: "Darasal ham teen (3) aadmi hotay hein. Main garrha khodta hoon, doosra phall k beej daalta hai aur teesra matti se garrhay ko bhar deta hai. Doosra aadmi aaj chutti per hai lekin ham apni duty day rahay hein."
FUNNY ONE LINERS - APPLE AND BLACKBERRY
Life was much easier when Apple and Blackberry were just fruits.
HILARIOUS JOKES - PHILOSOPHY AT DATING
A boy is about to go on his first date, and is nervous about what to talk about. He asks his father for advice.
The father replies: "My son, there are three subjects that always work. These are food, family, and philosophy."
The boy picks up his date and they go to a soda fountain. Ice cream sodas in front of them, they stare at each other for a long time, as the boy's nervousness builds.
He remembers his father's advice, and chooses the first topic.
He asks the girl: "Do you like spinach?" She says "No," and the silence returns.
After a few more uncomfortable minutes, the boy thinks of his father's suggestion and turns to the second item on the list. He asks, "Do you have a brother?" Again, the girl says "No" and there is silence once again.
The boy then plays his last card. He thinks of his father's advice and asks the girl the following question: "If you had a brother, would he like spinach?"
The father replies: "My son, there are three subjects that always work. These are food, family, and philosophy."
The boy picks up his date and they go to a soda fountain. Ice cream sodas in front of them, they stare at each other for a long time, as the boy's nervousness builds.
He remembers his father's advice, and chooses the first topic.
He asks the girl: "Do you like spinach?" She says "No," and the silence returns.
After a few more uncomfortable minutes, the boy thinks of his father's suggestion and turns to the second item on the list. He asks, "Do you have a brother?" Again, the girl says "No" and there is silence once again.
The boy then plays his last card. He thinks of his father's advice and asks the girl the following question: "If you had a brother, would he like spinach?"
HILARIOUS JOKES - THE INJURED THUMB
This guy went into a restaurant and ordered his meal. When the waitress came out with his soup, he noticed that she had her thumb stuck into it. This upset him, but he let it go. She then brought out his chili, and again her thumb was in the food. He let it go again. When she brought out his hot fudge sundae, her thumb was in the fudge and this was too much for him.
"Goddammit," said the man, "get your damn thumb out of my food!"
"Well, I injured it a while ago and the doctor said I should keep it warm."
"Why don't you just shove it up your ass?" the man said angrily.
"That's what I do when I'm in the kitchen."
"Goddammit," said the man, "get your damn thumb out of my food!"
"Well, I injured it a while ago and the doctor said I should keep it warm."
"Why don't you just shove it up your ass?" the man said angrily.
"That's what I do when I'm in the kitchen."
HILARIOUS JOKES - THE PLEASANT ETIQUETTE
During a good manners and etiquette class being held for young children, the teacher says to her students:
"If you were courting a well educated young girl from a prominent family and during a dinner for two you needed to go to the toilet, what would you say to her?"
Mike replies: "Wait a minute, I'm going for a piss."
The teacher says: "That would be very rude and improper on your part."
Charlie replies: "I'm sorry I need to go to the toilet, I'll be back in a minute."
The teacher says: "That's much better but to mention the word "toilet" during a meal, is unpleasant."
And Little Johnny says: "My dear, please excuse me for a moment. I have to go shake hands with a personal friend, whom, I hope to be able to introduce to you after dinner."
HILARIOUS JOKES - POOR OLD MAN
There was an old man whose family could no longer afford to take care of him. So the family decided that a nusring for the aged would be appropriate.
Of course the old man rejected the idea, but no sooner he was convinced that it was the right thing to do. On his first day at the home, he spent most of his time laying in bed reflecting on life, feeling lonely. A while later, an orderly stopped by to seee how the old man's first day was going.
"How you doing today?", she said to the old man, "First day I see". The Old man replied with a nod.
In no time the two began talking up a storm. As the conversation began to drag on, the orderly was eyeing the room filled with fresh flowers, cards and balloons from friends and relatives. She noticed a bowl full of peanuts sitting on top of the table next to the bed, and help herself to a handful.
As the two continued to converse with each other, the orderly kept eating more helpings of the peanuts. She look at her watch and noticed that nearly 2 hours had passed and said, "My goodness, the time has gone by quickly. I have to tend to other people here too." "That's okay.", said the old man, "I feel so much better being able to talk to someone." Looking into the bowl the orderly said, "I feel awful! I ate almost all of your peanuts!" The old man responded, "That's okay. Ever since I got these false teeth, all I could do was suck the chocolate off of them anyhow."
Of course the old man rejected the idea, but no sooner he was convinced that it was the right thing to do. On his first day at the home, he spent most of his time laying in bed reflecting on life, feeling lonely. A while later, an orderly stopped by to seee how the old man's first day was going.
"How you doing today?", she said to the old man, "First day I see". The Old man replied with a nod.
In no time the two began talking up a storm. As the conversation began to drag on, the orderly was eyeing the room filled with fresh flowers, cards and balloons from friends and relatives. She noticed a bowl full of peanuts sitting on top of the table next to the bed, and help herself to a handful.
As the two continued to converse with each other, the orderly kept eating more helpings of the peanuts. She look at her watch and noticed that nearly 2 hours had passed and said, "My goodness, the time has gone by quickly. I have to tend to other people here too." "That's okay.", said the old man, "I feel so much better being able to talk to someone." Looking into the bowl the orderly said, "I feel awful! I ate almost all of your peanuts!" The old man responded, "That's okay. Ever since I got these false teeth, all I could do was suck the chocolate off of them anyhow."
VERY VERY FUNNY URDU JOKES - AMROOD
Ustad sardar se: "Batao ananaas aur nariyal k darakht mein kya cheez aik jaisi hai?"
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Sardar kafi dair sochnay k baad bola: "Dono per amrood nahi lagtay."
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Sardar kafi dair sochnay k baad bola: "Dono per amrood nahi lagtay."
REALLY FUNNY URDU JOKES - PAGAL KAUN? SARDAR YA PATHAN
Aik sardar ji ko mohallay k larkay bohat tang kartay thay aur ussay mukhtalif naamon se
pukartay thay.
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Aik din sardar ji apnay pathan dost k saath ja rahay k aik larkay ne aawaaz lagaee: "Yeh to pagal hai."
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Yeh sun kar sardar ji ne khan sahb se kaha: "Khan sahb! Yeh larkay aap ko pagal keh rahay hein."
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Khan sahb ne kaha: "Ji nahi, yeh aap ko keh rahay hein."
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Sardar ji bolay: "Hargiz nahi, yeh aap hi ko keh rahay hein kionkeh mujhay to yeh 'Chhohaara' kehtay hein."
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Aik din sardar ji apnay pathan dost k saath ja rahay k aik larkay ne aawaaz lagaee: "Yeh to pagal hai."
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Yeh sun kar sardar ji ne khan sahb se kaha: "Khan sahb! Yeh larkay aap ko pagal keh rahay hein."
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Khan sahb ne kaha: "Ji nahi, yeh aap ko keh rahay hein."
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Sardar ji bolay: "Hargiz nahi, yeh aap hi ko keh rahay hein kionkeh mujhay to yeh 'Chhohaara' kehtay hein."
FUNNY URDU JOKES - ANGOOR
Aik saiyyah pehli martaba Pakistan aaya.
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Aik phall ki dukan per ja kar uss ne kailay ki taraf ishara kartay huye poocha: "Yeh kya hai?"
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Dukandar ne jawab diya: "Yeh kailay hein."
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Saiyyah kehnay laga: "Hamaray mulk mein to dhaee dhaee foot lambay kailay hotay hein."
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Phir uss ne saib ki taraf ishara kar k poocha.
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Dukandar ne jawab diya: "Yeh saib hein."
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Saiyyah jhatt se bola: "Hamaray mulk mein to paanch (5) paanch (5) kilo k saib hotay hein."
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Phir uss ne tarbooz ki taraf ishara kiya to dukandar aajzi se bola: "Janab! Yeh angoor hein."
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Aik phall ki dukan per ja kar uss ne kailay ki taraf ishara kartay huye poocha: "Yeh kya hai?"
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Dukandar ne jawab diya: "Yeh kailay hein."
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Saiyyah kehnay laga: "Hamaray mulk mein to dhaee dhaee foot lambay kailay hotay hein."
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Phir uss ne saib ki taraf ishara kar k poocha.
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Dukandar ne jawab diya: "Yeh saib hein."
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Saiyyah jhatt se bola: "Hamaray mulk mein to paanch (5) paanch (5) kilo k saib hotay hein."
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Phir uss ne tarbooz ki taraf ishara kiya to dukandar aajzi se bola: "Janab! Yeh angoor hein."
FUNNY URDU JOKES - BOHAT BARRA TARBOOZ
Aik mareez ghabraya hua doctor k paas aaya aur bola: "Doctor sahb! Raat ko main ne khawb mein daikha k main ne aik bohat barra tarbooz khaya hai."
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Doctor ne ussay tasalli detay huye kaha: "To iss mein preshani ki kya baat hai?"
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Mareez ne foran kaha: "Janab! Preshani ki baat yeh hai k jab main subh so kar utha to bistar per mera takiya ghayeb tha."
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Doctor ne ussay tasalli detay huye kaha: "To iss mein preshani ki kya baat hai?"
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Mareez ne foran kaha: "Janab! Preshani ki baat yeh hai k jab main subh so kar utha to bistar per mera takiya ghayeb tha."
FUNNY URDU JOKES - SHAER
Mushaeray mein aik shaer apna kalaam suna rahay thay: "Zameen k zarro, falak k taaro."
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Iss k baad woh bhool gaye.
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Hazreen chhotay chhotay kankar utha utha kar marnay lagay, uss shaer ne phir youn misra mukammal kiya: "O ullu k patho pathar na maaro."
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Iss k baad woh bhool gaye.
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Hazreen chhotay chhotay kankar utha utha kar marnay lagay, uss shaer ne phir youn misra mukammal kiya: "O ullu k patho pathar na maaro."
FUNNY URDU JOKES - SHAADI WALI DUA
"Ya Allah!
Mere wo tamam gunah apne khaas fazl-o-karam se muaaf farma de... Jin ki wajah se meri shaadi ruki hui hai!"
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NOTE:
Shadi shuda hazraat "ruki" ka lafz nikal kar parhen!
Mere wo tamam gunah apne khaas fazl-o-karam se muaaf farma de... Jin ki wajah se meri shaadi ruki hui hai!"
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NOTE:
Shadi shuda hazraat "ruki" ka lafz nikal kar parhen!
FUNNY ONE LINERS - LIKING ON FACEBOOK
I am wondering why Facebook bothers to give the option of “liking” my own comment? Of course I like my own comments. I’m awesome :p
VERY FUNNY URDU JOKES - BAD QISMATI
"Aik roz mummy ne daddy ko baagh mein se sabzi torr laanay ko kaha. Daddy k haath mein
lambay phall ka chaaqu tha, bad-qismati se daddy ka pair phisla aur woh iss tarah girray k
taiz dhaar chaaqu ne unn k sheh rug kaat di."
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"Oh! Barra afsos naak waqeya tha..." Phir tumhari ammi ne kya kiya?"
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"Unhon ne uss roz majbooran daal pakaee thi."
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"Oh! Barra afsos naak waqeya tha..." Phir tumhari ammi ne kya kiya?"
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"Unhon ne uss roz majbooran daal pakaee thi."
VERY FUNNY URDU JOKES - AAM K DARAKHT
Maali (bachay se): "Tum darakht per charrhay kya kar rahay ho?"
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Bacha (preshan ho kar): "Kuch nahi... Aap k kuch aam neechay gir gaye thay, unn ko dobara laga raha hoon."
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Bacha (preshan ho kar): "Kuch nahi... Aap k kuch aam neechay gir gaye thay, unn ko dobara laga raha hoon."
HILARIOUS JOKES - BUTCHER IN TROUBLE
Alice entered a butcher shop just when it was about to close.
She said to the butcher, "Thank God I made it in time! Do you have any chicken?"
The butcher opened his refrigerator and took out his only chicken, and plops it onto the scale. It weighs three and a half pounds.
"Don't you have anything bigger?" Alice asks.
The butcher returns the chicken to the fridge, takes it out again, and plops it onto the scale, only this time, he keeps his thumb on the chicken. The scale shows four and a half pounds.
"Great!" says Alice. "I'll have both of them please."
She said to the butcher, "Thank God I made it in time! Do you have any chicken?"
The butcher opened his refrigerator and took out his only chicken, and plops it onto the scale. It weighs three and a half pounds.
"Don't you have anything bigger?" Alice asks.
The butcher returns the chicken to the fridge, takes it out again, and plops it onto the scale, only this time, he keeps his thumb on the chicken. The scale shows four and a half pounds.
"Great!" says Alice. "I'll have both of them please."
VERY FUNNY URDU JOKES - BRILLIANT PATHAN
Maths teacher to a brilliant pathan: "How can you distribute 8 apples among 6 people
equally?"
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Pathan: "Juice bana k..."
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Pathan: "Juice bana k..."
