What’s the difference between a new husband 👨 and a new dog 🐕? After a year, the dog 🐕 is still excited to see you.
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Showing posts with label Funny Animal Jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Funny Animal Jokes. Show all posts
DIFFERENCE - NEW ONE LINER
NEELA THOTHA - FUNNY PATHAN JOKE
Pathan ka ghorra beemar ho gaya.
Wo bhaga bhaga dusray pathan k paas gaya aur poocha:
"Jab tumhara ghorra beemar hua tha to tum ne kya dawai di thi?"
Dusra pathan bola: "Ham ne us ko neela thotha khilaya tha."
Khan ne bhi apnay ghorray ko neela thotha khila dia.
Ghorra mar gaya.
Khan rota hua dusray khan k pas gaya aur uss ko bataya k ghorra mar gaya hai.
Wo bola: "To kya hua. Wo to hamara bhi mar gaya tha."
Wo bhaga bhaga dusray pathan k paas gaya aur poocha:
"Jab tumhara ghorra beemar hua tha to tum ne kya dawai di thi?"
Dusra pathan bola: "Ham ne us ko neela thotha khilaya tha."
Khan ne bhi apnay ghorray ko neela thotha khila dia.
Ghorra mar gaya.
Khan rota hua dusray khan k pas gaya aur uss ko bataya k ghorra mar gaya hai.
Wo bola: "To kya hua. Wo to hamara bhi mar gaya tha."
BAA - FUNNY FATHER AND SON JOKE
Father: What did the teacher think of your idea?
Son: She took it like a lamb.
Father: Really?What did she say?
Son: Baa!
Son: She took it like a lamb.
Father: Really?What did she say?
Son: Baa!
REALLY FUNNY URDU JOKES - SURPRISE
Aik khatoon ne dukan mein pohnch kar salesman se kaha: "Main apnay kuttay k liye jarsi
bun'na chahti hoon, mujhay kitni oon khareedni chahiye?"
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"Agar aap kuttay ko andar lay aaein to ham andaza laga kar bata saktay hein." Salesman ne mashwara diya.
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"Nahi nahi, main ussay hargiz andar nahi la sakti." Khatoon jaldi se boleen: "Main to ussay surprise dena chahti hoon."
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"Agar aap kuttay ko andar lay aaein to ham andaza laga kar bata saktay hein." Salesman ne mashwara diya.
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"Nahi nahi, main ussay hargiz andar nahi la sakti." Khatoon jaldi se boleen: "Main to ussay surprise dena chahti hoon."
VERY VERY FUNNY JOKES - DOGS
A young man from the city went to visit his farmer uncle. For the first few days, the uncle showed him the usual things - chickens, cows, crops, etc. After three days, however, it was obvious that the nephew was getting bored, and the uncle was running out of things to amuse him with. Finally, the uncle had an idea. "Why don't you grab a gun, take the dogs, and go shooting?" This seemed to cheer the nephew up, and with enthusiasm, off he went, dogs in trail. After a few hours, the nephew returned. "How did you enjoy that?" asked the uncle. "It was great!" exclaimed the nephew. "Got any more dogs?"
MOST HILARIOUS PARROT JOKE - I SEE
A little old lady buys a pair of parrots, but cannot identify their sexes.
She calls the shop, and the man there advises her to watch them carefully and all would become clear in time.
She spends weeks staring at the cage and eventually catches them doing what comes naturally. To make sure she doesn't get them mixed up again, she cuts out a ring from a piece of cardboard and puts it round the male parrot's neck.
A while later, the local priest visits the old lady. The male parrot takes one look at the father's collar, wolf whistles, and says, "I see she caught you at it, too."
She calls the shop, and the man there advises her to watch them carefully and all would become clear in time.
She spends weeks staring at the cage and eventually catches them doing what comes naturally. To make sure she doesn't get them mixed up again, she cuts out a ring from a piece of cardboard and puts it round the male parrot's neck.
A while later, the local priest visits the old lady. The male parrot takes one look at the father's collar, wolf whistles, and says, "I see she caught you at it, too."
VERY VERY FUNNY INSULT JOKE - PAISAY
"SUPERB INSULT"
Girl: "Agar paisay darakhton par ugtay,,, to...?"
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Boy: "Phir to larkiyan bandaron se bhi set ho jaya karteen."
Girl: "Agar paisay darakhton par ugtay,,, to...?"
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Boy: "Phir to larkiyan bandaron se bhi set ho jaya karteen."
REALLY FUNNY URDU JOKE - MALE AUR FEMALE
Wife: "Kya kar rahay ho?"
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Husband: "Makhiyan mar raha hoon..."
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Wife: "Kitni maarein?"
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Husband: "3 female aur 2 male."
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Wife: "Tumhein kaisay pata male aur female ka?"
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Husband: "3 sheeshay k samnay bethi theen, aur 2 'Gold Leaf' ki dabbi par."
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Husband: "Makhiyan mar raha hoon..."
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Wife: "Kitni maarein?"
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Husband: "3 female aur 2 male."
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Wife: "Tumhein kaisay pata male aur female ka?"
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Husband: "3 sheeshay k samnay bethi theen, aur 2 'Gold Leaf' ki dabbi par."
MOST HILARIOUS ENGLISH JOKES - THREE GUYS
Three guys are in a Cessna.
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The first drops a penny out the window.
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The second drops a pencil and the third a bomb.
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When the plane lands, the first guy goes to see where the penny landed.
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He sees a guy swearing and trying to get a penny out of his forehead.
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The second sees a girl holding her dog who has a pencil through his head.
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The third guy sees a guy laughing his head off.
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He asks: "Why are you laughing?"
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The guy says: "I was cooking on my BBQ when I farted..."
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"What's so funny about that?"
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"It blew my neighbor's house apart!"
VERY VERY FUNNY CHILDREN JOKES - SAALA
Photographer studio mein chotay se bachay se: "Meri taraf daikho beta, iss cameray se Kabootar niklay ga."
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Bacha: "Focus adjust kar, jaahilon wali baatein mat kar. Portrait mode use karna, aur micro k saath high resolution mein picture aani chahiye, Facebook pe upload karni hai. Warna paisay nahi milein gay."
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"Saaala..."
"Kabootar niklay ga."
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Bacha: "Focus adjust kar, jaahilon wali baatein mat kar. Portrait mode use karna, aur micro k saath high resolution mein picture aani chahiye, Facebook pe upload karni hai. Warna paisay nahi milein gay."
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"Saaala..."
"Kabootar niklay ga."
VERY FUNNY PATHAN JOKE - KUTTAY KA BACHA
Aik pathan ne gali k konay mein kachra phaink diya.
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Thori dair baad ghoom phir kar gali mein aaya,
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To,
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Mohallay walay aapas mein larr rahay thay k kachra kis ne phainka?
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Aik aadmi ne ghussay se kaha: "Phainka ho ga kisi kuttay k bachay ne."
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Pathan side mein ja kar khoob hansa aur bola: "Kachra main ne phainka hai aur naam kuttay k bachay ka lagg gaya."
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Thori dair baad ghoom phir kar gali mein aaya,
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To,
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Mohallay walay aapas mein larr rahay thay k kachra kis ne phainka?
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Aik aadmi ne ghussay se kaha: "Phainka ho ga kisi kuttay k bachay ne."
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Pathan side mein ja kar khoob hansa aur bola: "Kachra main ne phainka hai aur naam kuttay k bachay ka lagg gaya."
REALLY FUNNY SARDAR JOKES - CHOR SARDAR
Sardar chori karnay aik ghar mein ja ghussa...
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Malik makan: "Kaun hai wahan?"
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Sardar: "Meeaown, meeaown...."
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Malik makan: "Aray kaun hai?"
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Sardar: "Billi ey baghairta billi..."
HILARIOUS JOKES - BROUGHT TO LIFE
For decades, two heroic statues, one male and one female, faced each other in a city park, until one day an angel came down from heaven.
"You've been such exemplary statues," he announced to them, "That I'm going to give you a special gift. I'm going to bring you both to life for thirty minutes, in which you can do anything you want." And with a clap of his hands, the angel brought the statues to life.
The two approached each other a bit shyly, but soon dashed for the bushes, from which shortly emerged a good deal of giggling, laughter, and shaking of branches. Fifteen minutes later, the two statues emerged fromthe bushes, wide grins on their faces.
"You still have fifteen more minutes," said the angel, winking conspiratorially. Grinning even more widely the female statue turned to the male statue and said, "Great! Only this time you hold the pigeon down and I'll shit on its head."
"You've been such exemplary statues," he announced to them, "That I'm going to give you a special gift. I'm going to bring you both to life for thirty minutes, in which you can do anything you want." And with a clap of his hands, the angel brought the statues to life.
The two approached each other a bit shyly, but soon dashed for the bushes, from which shortly emerged a good deal of giggling, laughter, and shaking of branches. Fifteen minutes later, the two statues emerged fromthe bushes, wide grins on their faces.
"You still have fifteen more minutes," said the angel, winking conspiratorially. Grinning even more widely the female statue turned to the male statue and said, "Great! Only this time you hold the pigeon down and I'll shit on its head."
HILARIOUS JOKES - THE HORSE MASTER
A guy walks into a bar.
Guy: Hey barkeeper, gimme a beer.
Barkeeper: Tell you what, if you can make that horse out there laugh, I'll give you a free beer and $500.
So, the guy walks outside and whispers to the horse. The horse laughs. The guy walks back in.
Guy: Where's my $500 and free beer?
Barkeeper: Alright, double or nothing says you can't make that horse cry.
The guy walks outside again. The barkeeper chuckles to himself as he's cleaning a glass and misses what the guy does, but he hears the horse crying. The guy comes back in.
Guy: Where's my $1000 and two free beers?
Barkeeper: What did you say to make the horse laugh?
Guy: I told him I have a bigger penis than him.
Barkeeper: And what did you do to make him cry?
Guy: I showed him!
Guy: Hey barkeeper, gimme a beer.
Barkeeper: Tell you what, if you can make that horse out there laugh, I'll give you a free beer and $500.
So, the guy walks outside and whispers to the horse. The horse laughs. The guy walks back in.
Guy: Where's my $500 and free beer?
Barkeeper: Alright, double or nothing says you can't make that horse cry.
The guy walks outside again. The barkeeper chuckles to himself as he's cleaning a glass and misses what the guy does, but he hears the horse crying. The guy comes back in.
Guy: Where's my $1000 and two free beers?
Barkeeper: What did you say to make the horse laugh?
Guy: I told him I have a bigger penis than him.
Barkeeper: And what did you do to make him cry?
Guy: I showed him!
HILARIOUS JOKES - YES AND NO
Once upon a time there was a woman married to an annoying man named Bob. He would complain about everything. That day he went to their creek with his mule. He complained so much that the mule got annoyed and kicked him to death.
At the funeral, when all the men walked by the wife she shook her head yes and every time the women walked by she shook her head no.
The minister asked ”Why are you shaking your head yes for men and no for women?”
Her response was, ”The men would say how sorry they felt for me and I was saying, ‘Yes, I’ll be alright.’ When the women walked by, they were asking if the mule is for sale . . . “
HILARIOUS JOKES - BIG TURKEYS
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for her family.
She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."
She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."
HILARIOUS JOKES - THE BLONDE COMPANY
A blind man and his guide dog enter a bar and find their way to a bar stool.
After ordering a drink, and sitting there for a while, the blind guy yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke ?"
The bar immediately becomes absolutely quiet.
In a husky, deep voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something.The bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde, and I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb.blonde with a black belt in karate. What's more, the woman sitting next to me is blonde and she's a weight lifter. The lady to your right is a blonde, and she's a wrestler. Think about it seriously, Mister. You still wanna tell that joke?"
The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."
After ordering a drink, and sitting there for a while, the blind guy yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke ?"
The bar immediately becomes absolutely quiet.
In a husky, deep voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something.The bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde, and I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb.blonde with a black belt in karate. What's more, the woman sitting next to me is blonde and she's a weight lifter. The lady to your right is a blonde, and she's a wrestler. Think about it seriously, Mister. You still wanna tell that joke?"
The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."
HILARIOUS JOKES - ANYTHING
A man was shipwrecked on an isolated island with nobody for company except his faithful dog.
Life was getting monotonous until one day he spotted a sheep on the other side of the island. Slowly approaching the sheep, he managed to get it into position and was about to mount it when suddenly his dog gave out a frantic bark and he had to give up the idea. A second and subsequent attempts by the man to approach the sheep from the rear met with similar frustrations.
Then one day, a pretty girl was washed ashore almost lifeless, a victim of another shipwreck. After some furious efforts at resuscitation, the man managed to revive the girl
The girl thanked the man profusely. "I'm so grateful I'd do anything for you. Anything." she said
"Good!" said the love-struck man happily, "Can you watch my dog for fifteen minutes?"
Life was getting monotonous until one day he spotted a sheep on the other side of the island. Slowly approaching the sheep, he managed to get it into position and was about to mount it when suddenly his dog gave out a frantic bark and he had to give up the idea. A second and subsequent attempts by the man to approach the sheep from the rear met with similar frustrations.
Then one day, a pretty girl was washed ashore almost lifeless, a victim of another shipwreck. After some furious efforts at resuscitation, the man managed to revive the girl
The girl thanked the man profusely. "I'm so grateful I'd do anything for you. Anything." she said
"Good!" said the love-struck man happily, "Can you watch my dog for fifteen minutes?"
VERY FUNNY URDU JOKES - ABBU
Sardar (pathan se): "Meray abbu itnay bahadur hein jitna sher, itnay taqatwar hein jitna
gainda, itnay oonchay hein jitna zarafa, itnay taiz hein jitna cheeta. Unn ki nazar itni
taiz hai jitni uqaab ki aur woh itnay chalaak hein jitni loomrri."
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Pathan ne heran ho kar poocha: "Tumharay abbu kis chirriya ghar mein hein?"
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Pathan ne heran ho kar poocha: "Tumharay abbu kis chirriya ghar mein hein?"
REALLY FUNNY URDU JOKES - BHAINS
Teen (3) pathan subh ki sair kar rahay thay k unn ko aik bhains nazar aaee jiss k munh se jhaag
nikal raha tha.
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Aik ne kaha: "Daikho, bhains saban kha rahi hai."
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Doosra bola: "Nahi bhaee! Bhains saraf kha rahi hai.
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Teesray ne kaha: "Tum donon bilkul bewaqoof ho, bhains to toothbrush kar rahi hai."
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Aik ne kaha: "Daikho, bhains saban kha rahi hai."
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Doosra bola: "Nahi bhaee! Bhains saraf kha rahi hai.
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Teesray ne kaha: "Tum donon bilkul bewaqoof ho, bhains to toothbrush kar rahi hai."
