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Showing posts with label Thieves Jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Thieves Jokes. Show all posts
SHUKRIYA - VERY FUNNY LAWYER JOKES
VERY VERY FUNNY FATHERS JOEKS - CAMERAY
Baap: "Aik zamana hota tha jab main sotre se sirf 10 rupay mein 'Ghee', 'Doodh', 'Daalein' sab lay aata tha."
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Beta: "Ab ye harkatein nahi chalti hein abbu, ab wahan cameray lag gaye hein."
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Beta: "Ab ye harkatein nahi chalti hein abbu, ab wahan cameray lag gaye hein."
HUMOROUS URDU JOKES - SAMAJHDAR SARDAR
Sardar: "Raat ko mujhay 1 aadmi ne chaaku dikha kar loot liya."
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Pathan: "Lekin teray paas to pistol tha."
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Sardar: "Woh to main ne chupa liya, warna woh bhi lay jata."
VERY FUNNY ENGLISH JOKES - POLICEMAN
A policeman pulls a man over for speeding and asks him to get out of the car.
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After looking the man over he says: "Sir, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are bloodshot. Have you been drinking?"
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The man gets really indignant and says: "Officer, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are glazed. Have you been eating doughnuts?"
REALLY FUNNY SARDAR JOKES - CHOR SARDAR
Sardar chori karnay aik ghar mein ja ghussa...
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Malik makan: "Kaun hai wahan?"
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Sardar: "Meeaown, meeaown...."
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Malik makan: "Aray kaun hai?"
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Sardar: "Billi ey baghairta billi..."
VERY FUNNY ENGLISH JOKES - DAMN
Old meaning of sorry: "I won't do it again."
New meaning of sorry: "Damn I got caught, next time I need to be more careful..."
HILARIOUS JOKES - BLONDE POLICE OFFICER
A blonde walks into the police department looking for a job. The officer wants to ask her a few questions....
Officer: What's 2+2?
Blonde: Ummmmm... 4!
Officer: What's the square root of 100?
Blonde: Ummmm... 10!
Officer: Good! Now, who killed Abraham Lincoln?
Blonde: Ummmm... I dunno.
Officer: Well, you can go home and think about it. Come back tomorrow.
The blonde goes home and calls up one of her friends, who asks her if she got the job.
The blonde says, excitedly, "Not only did I get the job, I'm already working on a murder case!"
Officer: What's 2+2?
Blonde: Ummmmm... 4!
Officer: What's the square root of 100?
Blonde: Ummmm... 10!
Officer: Good! Now, who killed Abraham Lincoln?
Blonde: Ummmm... I dunno.
Officer: Well, you can go home and think about it. Come back tomorrow.
The blonde goes home and calls up one of her friends, who asks her if she got the job.
The blonde says, excitedly, "Not only did I get the job, I'm already working on a murder case!"
HILARIOUS JOKES - GETTING INTO THE HOUSE
A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.
"You'll get your chance in court." said the Desk Sergeant.
"No, no no!" said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!"
"You'll get your chance in court." said the Desk Sergeant.
"No, no no!" said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!"
FUNNY SHORT JOKES - SEARCH FOR MONEY
A thief broke into my house last night. He was searching for money...
So, I woke up and started searching with him!
So, I woke up and started searching with him!
FUNNY SHORT JOKES - DEALING WITH A BURGLER
A woman woke her husband in the middle of the night and told him "There is a burglar downstairs in the kitchen and he is eating the cake that my mother made for us."
The husband said, "Who shall I call, the police or an ambulance?"
The husband said, "Who shall I call, the police or an ambulance?"
HILARIOUS JOKES - ONCE AND ONLY ONCE
A sale representative stops at a small manufacturing plant. He presents a box of cigars to the manager as a gift.
"No, thanks," says the plant manager. "I tried smoking a cigar once, but I didn't like it."
The sales rep shows his display case and then, hoping to clinch a sale, offers to take the manager out for a round of drinks.
"No, thanks," the plant manager replies. "You know, I tried alcohol once, but didn't like it."
Then the salesman glances out the office window and sees a golf course.
"I suppose you play golf," says the salesman. "I'd like to invite you to be a guest at my club."
"That's kind of you, but no, thanks," the manager says. "I played golf once, but I didn't like it."
Just then a young man enters the office.
"Let me introduce my son, Mike," says the plant manager.
"Let me guess," the salesman replies. "An only child?"
"No, thanks," says the plant manager. "I tried smoking a cigar once, but I didn't like it."
The sales rep shows his display case and then, hoping to clinch a sale, offers to take the manager out for a round of drinks.
"No, thanks," the plant manager replies. "You know, I tried alcohol once, but didn't like it."
Then the salesman glances out the office window and sees a golf course.
"I suppose you play golf," says the salesman. "I'd like to invite you to be a guest at my club."
"That's kind of you, but no, thanks," the manager says. "I played golf once, but I didn't like it."
Just then a young man enters the office.
"Let me introduce my son, Mike," says the plant manager.
"Let me guess," the salesman replies. "An only child?"
HILARIOUS JOKES - THE EARLY BIRD
It was Christmas and the judge was in a benevolent mood as he questioned the prisoner. “What are you charged with?” he asked.
“Doing my Christmas shopping early,” replied the defendant.
“That’s no offense,” replied the judge. “How early were you doing this shopping?”
“Before the store opened,” countered the prisoner.
“Doing my Christmas shopping early,” replied the defendant.
“That’s no offense,” replied the judge. “How early were you doing this shopping?”
“Before the store opened,” countered the prisoner.
VERY FUNNY URDU JOKES - CHORI KA ILZAAM
Judge (mulzim se): "Tumharay khilaaf chori ka ilzaam saabit nahi ho saka iss liye tumhein
reha kiya jata hai."
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Mulzim: "Janab! Mujhay aik hafta qaid mein rakha gaya hai, iss k badlay mein koi chhota mota jurm karnay ki ijazat hai kya?"
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Mulzim: "Janab! Mujhay aik hafta qaid mein rakha gaya hai, iss k badlay mein koi chhota mota jurm karnay ki ijazat hai kya?"
VERY FUNNY URDU JOKES - BEWAQOOF SARDAR
Judge (aik sardar se jis per qatal ka ilzaam tha): "Kya tum ne maqtool ko qatal kiya hai?"
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Sardar: "Ji nahi janab!"
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Judge (hoshiyari se): "Magar maqtool ka beyaan hai k tum ne ussay cheyh (6) goliyan maari theen."
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Sardar (jaldi se): "Yeh jhoot hai, main ne to uss ko sirf teen (3) goliyaan maari theen."
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Sardar: "Ji nahi janab!"
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Judge (hoshiyari se): "Magar maqtool ka beyaan hai k tum ne ussay cheyh (6) goliyan maari theen."
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Sardar (jaldi se): "Yeh jhoot hai, main ne to uss ko sirf teen (3) goliyaan maari theen."
VERY FUNNY URDU JOKES - FEES
Judge (jaib kutray se): "Tum ne iss admi ki jaib se batwa kis tarah nikala k ussay ilm hi
nahi hua?"
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Mulzim fakhar se bola: "Janab! Iss ilm ko sikhanay ki fees paanch so (500) rupay hai."
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Mulzim fakhar se bola: "Janab! Iss ilm ko sikhanay ki fees paanch so (500) rupay hai."
VERY FUNNY URDU JOKES - GAWAH
Muqaddimay ki smaat k doran judge ne mulzim se kaha: "Meray saamnay aisay tees (30) gawah aa
chukay hein jinhon ne tumhein car churaatay huye daikha hai."
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Mulzim ne jawab diya: "Janab! Aap drust farma rahay hein lekin main aisay saath (60) gawah paish kar sakta hoon jinhon ne mujhay car churatay huye nahi daikha."
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Mulzim ne jawab diya: "Janab! Aap drust farma rahay hein lekin main aisay saath (60) gawah paish kar sakta hoon jinhon ne mujhay car churatay huye nahi daikha."
FUNNY URDU JOKES - SAZA-E-MAOT
Saza-e-maot k mujrim ko lohay ki kursi per bitha kar karant day kar saza-e-maot di ja rahi
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Bijli ka button dabanay walay ne aakhri waqt mujrim se poocha: "Tumhari koi aakhri khawhish hai?"
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Mujrim ne jawab diya: "Haan! Mera haath pakarr lo."
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Bijli ka button dabanay walay ne aakhri waqt mujrim se poocha: "Tumhari koi aakhri khawhish hai?"
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Mujrim ne jawab diya: "Haan! Mera haath pakarr lo."
VERY FUNNY URDU JOKES - JUDGE AUR CHOR
Judge ne aik chor se poocha: "Tum sheikh sahb k ghar mein kion daakhil huye?"
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Chor: "Janab! Unn k ghar k darwazay per likha tha 'Khush Aamdeed'."
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Chor: "Janab! Unn k ghar k darwazay per likha tha 'Khush Aamdeed'."
FUNNY URDU JOKES - FAQEER
Raahgeer (faqeer se): "Tum sara din bheek mangtay ho aur ab raat ko bhi bheek maang rahay ho?"
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Faqeer ne jawab diya: "Janab! Yeh mehangaee ka zamana hai din raat mehnat karni parrti hai."
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Faqeer ne jawab diya: "Janab! Yeh mehangaee ka zamana hai din raat mehnat karni parrti hai."
