A man comes into the ER and yells, “My wife’s going to have her baby in the cab!”
I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady’s dress, and began to take off her underwear.
Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs, and I was in the wrong one.
(Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX)
At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient’s anterior chest wall. “Big breaths,” I instructed.
“Yes, they used to be,” remorsed the patient.
(Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA)
One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct.
Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a “massive internal fart.”
(Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada )
I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity test.
I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began, “Cover your right eye with your hand.” He read the 20/20 line perfectly.
“Now your left.” Again, a flawless read.
“Now both,” I requested. There was silence.
He couldn’t even read the large E on the top line.
I turned and discovered that he had done exactly what I had asked; he was standing there with both his eyes covered.
I was laughing too hard to finish the exam.
(Dr. Matthew Theodropolous, Worcester, MA )
During a patient’s two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his medications. “Which one?” I asked. “The patch. The nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I’m running out of places to put it!” I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn’t see… Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body!
Now the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.
(Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA)
While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient,
I asked, “How long have you been bedridden?”
After a look of complete confusion she answered… “Why, not for about twenty years-when my husband was alive.”
(Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR)
I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked, “So how’s your breakfastthis morning?” “It’s very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly.
I can’t seem to get used to the taste,” the patient replied.
I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled
“KY Jelly.”
(Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI)
I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady’s dress, and began to take off her underwear.
Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs, and I was in the wrong one.
(Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX)
At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient’s anterior chest wall. “Big breaths,” I instructed.
“Yes, they used to be,” remorsed the patient.
(Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA)
One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct.
Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a “massive internal fart.”
(Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada )
I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity test.
I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began, “Cover your right eye with your hand.” He read the 20/20 line perfectly.
“Now your left.” Again, a flawless read.
“Now both,” I requested. There was silence.
He couldn’t even read the large E on the top line.
I turned and discovered that he had done exactly what I had asked; he was standing there with both his eyes covered.
I was laughing too hard to finish the exam.
(Dr. Matthew Theodropolous, Worcester, MA )
During a patient’s two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his medications. “Which one?” I asked. “The patch. The nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I’m running out of places to put it!” I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn’t see… Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body!
Now the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.
(Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA)
While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient,
I asked, “How long have you been bedridden?”
After a look of complete confusion she answered… “Why, not for about twenty years-when my husband was alive.”
(Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR)
I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked, “So how’s your breakfastthis morning?” “It’s very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly.
I can’t seem to get used to the taste,” the patient replied.
I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled
“KY Jelly.”
(Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI)
