VERY VERY FUNNY URDU JOKES - SALESMAN

Aik salesman gahak ko aag bujhanay ka aala khareednay per aamdah kar raha tha.
.
.
.
Saleman: "Yeh aala pachas (50) baras aap ki khidmat karay ga."
.
.
.
Gahak ne jawab diya: "Itni umar kis ne yahan rehna hai?"
.
.
.
Saleman iss ki baat samjhay baghair jaldi se bola: "To kya hua? Aap jahan bhi jaein issay saath lay jaein, yeh wahan bhi aap k kaam aaye ga."

Read Full Joke...

VERY FUNNY URDU JOKES - SAUDAY BAAZI

Aik pathan bachay k dada ka intaqal ho gaya.
.
.
.
Parros ki do (2) khwateen taziyat k liye aaeen, unn mein se aik boli: "Sattar (70) k to hon gay."
.
.
.
Doosri boli: "Nahi, saath (60) k hon gay."
.
.
.
Pass hi pathan bacha baitha batein sun raha tha, woh bola: "Chalo aunty! Tum chalees (40) hi day do."

Read Full Joke...

FUNNY URDU JOKES - SARDAR AUR PATHAN

Aik sardar aur pathan aapas mein gehray dost thay.
.
.
.
Sardar pathan se: "Agar tum sardiyon mein musalsal aik maah namazein parrho gay to main tumhein aik bakra inaam mein doon ga."
.
.
.
Pathan aik maah tak musalsal namazein parrhta raha.
.
.
.
Aik maah baad jab pathan ne sardar se waday k mutabiq bakray ka mutaliba kiya to sardar ne kaha: "Kaunsa bakra? Main ne to tumhein aazmanay k liye mazaq kiya tha."
.
.
.
Yeh sun kar pathan ne aag bagula hotay huye kaha: "Mujhay pehlay hi tum per shakk tha, issi liye main bhi baghair wuzoo aur baghair topi k hi namazein parrhta raha hoon."

Read Full Joke...

VERY FUNNY URDU JOKES - BIWI KI SAHELI

Aik sahb ki biwi faut ho gaee.
.
.
.
Aik khatoon unn se milnay aaee aur boli: "Main aap ki biwi ki barri pyari saheli hoon. Kya mujhay iss ki koi nishaani mil sakti hai?"
.
.
.
Mard ne aansu bhari aankhein upper utha kar kaha: "Kya mujh se kaam chal jaye ga?"

Read Full Joke...

VERY FUNNY URDU JOKES - PEHLA AADMI

Aik padri muddat se qabailiyon mein apnay mazhab kar parchar kar raha tha.
.
.
.
Aik din uss ne mazhabi maloomaat ka imtehan lenay k liye poocha: "Pehla aadmi kaun tha? Dulaari tum batao."
.
.
.
Dulaari k rukhsaar surkh ho gaye, uss ne sharmatay huye kaha: "Main sab se saamnay nahi bata sakti. Jab aap akailay huye to na sirf pehlay ka balkeh baaqi sab ka bhi bata doon gi."

Read Full Joke...

FUNNY URDU JOKES - DAHI KA SHOQEEN PATHAN

Aik pathan marnay k baad jannat mein chala gaya.
.
.
.
Wahan farishton se kehnay laga keh main ne dahi khana hai.
.
.
.
Farishton ne khana: "Dahi kya karna hai? Yahan aur beshumaar cheezein hein woh sab khao."
.
.
.
Pathan ne kaha: "Nahi, main ne dahi hi khana hai."
.
.
.
Be hadd israar per aik farishtay ne ussay dahi la diya.
.
.
.
Agli subh jannat k chowk per pathan ki pitaee ho rahi thi.
.
.
.
Jannatiyon ne poocha: "Iss jannati ko kion maar rahay ho?"
.
.
.
Farishton ne jawab diya: "Jo dahi bach gaya tha, woh iss ne doodh ki nehar mein daal kar jaag laga di hai."

Read Full Joke...

VERY VERY FUNNY URDU JOKES - FAQEER

Kisi faqeer ne aik aadmi se paisay maangay.
.
.
.
Uss aadmi ne kaha: "Main teen (3) baar apni daarrhi per haath maarta hoon. Jitnay baal meray haath mein aaein gay tumhein utnay hi rupay don ga."
.
.
.
Uss ne teen (3) baar haath maara magar koi baal haath nahi aaya.
.
.
.
Uss aadmi ne faqeer se kaha: "Tumhari qismat mein kuch bhi nahi hai."
.
.
.
Faqeer ne kaha: "Youn nahi huzoor! Daarrhi aap ki aur haath mera. Phir daikhiye meri qismat."

Read Full Joke...

FUNNY URDU JOKES - ENGLISH WRITER'S DEATH

Azeen angrezi musannif H.G Wells jab sakht beemar hua aur zindagi ki koi ummeed baaqi na rahi to uss k rishtay daar, dost aur lawahiqeen ki khawhish thi keh uss k munh se kuch aisay kalimaat niklein jo bataur-e-yaadgaar hamesha yaad rakhay jaein.
.
.
.
Jab inn logon ne iss azeem writer ko baar baar tang kiya to uss ne talkh lehjay mein jawab diya: "Aap daikh nahi rahay keh main marnay mein masroof hoon?"

Read Full Joke...

FUNNY URDU JOKES - JANNAT MEIN HOOREIN

Aik shaadi shuda larki ne apni dost se poocha: "Jannat mein mardon ko to hoorein millein gi. Aurton ko kya milay ga?"
.
.
.
"Yehi apnay apnay khawand." Dost ne jawab diya.
.
.
.
Larki ne zara talkh lehjay mein kaha: "Lo phir marnay ka faeyda?"

Read Full Joke...

VERY VERY FUNNY URDU JOKES - DEHRIYA

"Tum Amjid se shaadi kion nahi kar laiteen?"
.
.
.
"Lekin maa woh dehriya hai, jahannum per yaqeen nahi rakhta." Beti ne jawab diya.
.
.
.
"To tum shaadi kar lo, ussay khud hi yaqeen aa jaye ga." Maa ne jawab diya.

Read Full Joke...

VERY FUNNY URDU JOKES - DAIR KIS BAAT KI HAI

Thanay mein phone mosool hua keh aik shakhs Habib bank plaza ki aakhri manzil tak pohnchnay mein kamyaab ho gaya hai aur wahan se kood kar khudkushi karna chahta hai.
.
.
.
Illaqay ka S.H.O bhagam bhaag wahan pohncha aur uss shakhs ko mukhatib kartay huye bola: "Khudkushi haram hai, mat karo, apni rooh ka khayal karo keh tum to khatam ho jao gay magar tumhari rooh hamesha saza jheelti rahay gi."
.
.
.
"Main dehriya hoon." Uss shakhs ne jawab diya.
.
.
.
S.H.O: "Apni biwi aur apnay masoom bachon ka khayal karo."
.
.
.
Woh shakhs bola: "Main ghair shaadi shuda hoon."
.
.
.
S.H.O: "Apnay waldain ka khayal karo."
.
.
.
Aadmi: "Meray maa baap mar chukay hein."
.
.
.
S.H.O: "Or nahi to apnay behan bhaiyon ka socho."
.
.
.
Uss ne jawab diya: "Mera koi behan bhai nahi hai."
.
.
.
S.H.O: "Phir bhi zindagi barri qeemti hai, issay hansi khushi guzaro, ghoomo phiro, tafreeh karo."
.
.
.
Woh bola: "Ghoomnay phirnay k liye koi jaga nahi hai."
.
.
.
S.H.O: "To phir V.C.R aur dish per indain filmein daikho."
.
.
.
Jawab mila: "Indian filmon, V.C.R aur dish, teenon ka mukhalif hoon."
.
.
.
"To phir dair kis baat ki hai? Neechay chhalaang kion nahi lagatay kambakht?" S.H.O ne ghussay se daant peestay huye kaha.

Read Full Joke...

VERY VERY FUNNY URDU JOKES - DULHA

Nikah se pehlay molvi sahb ne ehtayatan elaan kiya: "Kisi sahb ko iss shaadi per koi aitraaz ho to beyaan kar sakta hai."
.
.
.
"Mujhay kuch kehna hai." Aik aawaaz ubhri.
.
.
.
"Chup raho, tum dulha ho." Molvi shab ne daanta.

Read Full Joke...

REALLY FUNNY URDU JOKES - MEHMAAN

Aik dolat mand bohat beemar tha.
.
.
.
Jab uss k aakhri lamhaat qareeb aa gaye to uss ki biwi palang k paas kharri ho gaee aur rotay huye boli: "Tum abhi nahi mar saktay. Khuda k liye abhi na maro."
.
.
.
Shohar bola: "Begum sabar karo, main ab chand lamhon ka mehmaan hon."
.
.
.
"Nahi nahi, tum aaj mar kar mujhay zaleel nahi kar saktay." Begum ne jawab diya: "Main ne tumharay sog mein pehanany wala suit darzi ko diya hai. Woh kal milay ga."

Read Full Joke...

HILARIOUS JOKES - THE BENEFICIAL LEARNING

A man walks by the sea and suddenly hears someone yelling:
"Help, help! I’m drowning, I don’t know how to swim!"
He turns around, notices a man drowning, and asks, "Parla Italiano?"
The drowning man says: "Si, si! Parlo Italiano! Aiuto, per favore!"
"You idiot! It would have been better for you to learn how to swim than to learn Italian."

Read Full Joke...

FUNNY URDU JOKES - DO MAZHABI KITAABEIN

Aik barray shehar k book seller se kisi mazhabi aadmi ne mazhab se mutalliq do (2) kitabon k addition talab kiye.
.
.
.
Aik kitaab ka naam 'Khuda k man'nay walay' aur doosri ka naam 'Khuda per aitmad karnay walay' tha.
.
.
.
Book seller ne wada kiya k woh haftay k andar andar yeh addition apnay doosray shehar k agent ko taar day kar mangwa day ga.
.
.
.
Uss ne taar diya.
.
.
.
Wahan se jawab aaya: "Hamein afsos hai keh yahan 'Khuda ka man'nay walay' aur 'Khuda per aitmad karnay walay' donon hi khatam ho chukay hein."

Read Full Joke...

VERY FUNNY URDU JOKE - LIFE JACKET

Aik jahaz k doobnay ka khatra tha, captain ne musafiron se kaha: "Agar aap mein se kisi ko doobnay se bachnay ki dua aati hai to woh haath utha lay."
.
.
.
Aik shakhs ne haath kharra kiya.
.
.
.
Captain ne kaha: "Aap dua per guzara karein, hamaray paas aik life jacket kum hai."

Read Full Joke...

HILARIOUS JOKES - THE CHILDHOOD HABIT

“I hope you didn’t take it personally, Pastor,” an embarrassed woman said after a church service, “when my husband walked out during your sermon.”
“I did find it rather disconcerting,” the preacher replied.
“It’s not a reflection on you, sir,” insisted the churchgoer.
“Ralph has been walking in his sleep ever since he was a child.”

Read Full Joke...

FUNNY SHORT JOKES - THE DYSLEXIC WORSHIPPER

Q. Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper?
A. He sold his soul to Santa.

Read Full Joke...

HILARIOUS JOKES - WIFE - SHORT JOKE

First Guy (proudly) : “My wife’s an angel!”
Second Guy : “You’re lucky, mine’s still alive.”

Read Full Joke...

HILARIOUS JOKES - THE 9 O' CLOCK CURFEW

An American tourist was visiting the Gaza Strip recently. He became lost and he had no map to guide him. He decided to ask an Israeli Soldier for directions.
As the soldier was pointing the tourist in the right direction, he suddenly pulled out his gun and shot a Palestinian riding past on his bike.
The tourist, stunned at what he had just witnessed, said, “What the hell did you do that for?”
The soldier replied, “I did it because of the 9 o’clock curfew”
The tourist said “But it’s only 8:30!”
“Yes” said the soldier, “But I know where he lives and he would never have made it home in time.”

Read Full Joke...