My wife’s jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
Showing posts with label Girlfriend Jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Girlfriend Jokes. Show all posts
HILARIOUS JOKES - WHY DID YOU HAVE TO DIE?
A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave.
The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, “Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?”
The first man approached him and said, “Sir, I don’t wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than I’ve ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child? A parent?”
The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied, “My wife’s first husband.”
The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, “Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?”
The first man approached him and said, “Sir, I don’t wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than I’ve ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child? A parent?”
The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied, “My wife’s first husband.”
HILARIOUS JOKES - THE GREAT CHOICE
A nerd was walking on campus one day when his friend, another nerd, rode up on an incredible shiny new bicycle.
The first nerd was stunned and asked, “Where did you get such a nice bike?”
The second nerd replied, “Well, yesterday I was walking home minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up to me on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, ’Take what you want!’”
The second nerd nodded approvingly and said, “Good choice. The clothes probably wouldn’t have fit.”
The first nerd was stunned and asked, “Where did you get such a nice bike?”
The second nerd replied, “Well, yesterday I was walking home minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up to me on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, ’Take what you want!’”
The second nerd nodded approvingly and said, “Good choice. The clothes probably wouldn’t have fit.”
HILARIOUS JOKES - THE REMARRIAGE
A husband and wife were golfing when suddenly the woman asked, “Honey, if I died would you get married again?”
The man said, “No dear.”
The woman said, “I’m sure you would.”
So the man said, “Okay, I would”
Then the woman asked, “Would you let her sleep in our bed?”
And the man replied, “Ya, I guess so.”
Then the woman asked, “Would you let her use my golf clubs?”
And the man replied, “No, she’s left handed.”
The man said, “No dear.”
The woman said, “I’m sure you would.”
So the man said, “Okay, I would”
Then the woman asked, “Would you let her sleep in our bed?”
And the man replied, “Ya, I guess so.”
Then the woman asked, “Would you let her use my golf clubs?”
And the man replied, “No, she’s left handed.”
HILARIOUS JOKES - THE CHARISMATIC AFTERSHAVE
- Have you heard about the new aftershave that drives women crazy?
- No! Tell me about it.
- It smells of $50 dollar bills.
- No! Tell me about it.
- It smells of $50 dollar bills.
VERY FUNNY URDU JOKES - AJNABI
Aik larki apni saheli se keh rahi thi: "Main ne ammi jaan se wada kiya hai k kabhi kisi
ajnabi naujawan ko apnay qareeb aanay ka moqa nahi doon gi."
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Saheli ne poocha: "Lekin woh larka jo do (2) ghantay tak tumharay kamray mein baitha raha tha, woh kaun tha?"
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Larki ne jawab diya: "Do (2) ghantay mein bhala woh ajnabi kaisay reh gaya?"
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Saheli ne poocha: "Lekin woh larka jo do (2) ghantay tak tumharay kamray mein baitha raha tha, woh kaun tha?"
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Larki ne jawab diya: "Do (2) ghantay mein bhala woh ajnabi kaisay reh gaya?"
VERY VERY FUNNY URDU JOKES - SHOHAR
Aik larki apni dost se: "Jab hamari shaadi huee to main har subh apnay shohar ko barray pyar
se jagaya karti thi."
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"Aur ab?" Dost ne poocha.
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Larki: "Ab woh mujhay har roz dartay dartay jagata hai."
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"Aur ab?" Dost ne poocha.
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Larki: "Ab woh mujhay har roz dartay dartay jagata hai."
VERY FUNNY URDU JOKES - PATHAN KI SETTING
Pathan molvi sahb se: "Ham ko namaz sikha do..."
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Molvi: "Sanaa aati hai?"
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Pathan: "Sana to nahi aati, magar uss ka chhota behan Saba aati hai... Hamara setting hai uss k saath."
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Molvi: "Sanaa aati hai?"
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Pathan: "Sana to nahi aati, magar uss ka chhota behan Saba aati hai... Hamara setting hai uss k saath."
FUNNY URDU JOKES - PATHAN KI RING
Pathan ki girlfriend ne pathan se poocha: "Jab hamara mangni hoga to tum ham ko aik ring day
ga na?"
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Pathan: "Wai qurban! Zaroor day ga, batao ring PTCL pe day ya Mobile pe?"
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Pathan: "Wai qurban! Zaroor day ga, batao ring PTCL pe day ya Mobile pe?"
HILARIOUS JOKES - THE INHERITANCE
The madam opened the brothel door in Elko County , Nevada and saw a rather dignified, well-dressed, good-looking man in his late forties or early fifties.
'May I help you, sir?' she asked.
'I want to see Valerie,' the man replied.
'Sir, Valerie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would prefer someone else', said the madam.
'No, I must see Valerie,' he replied.
Just then, Valerie appeared and announced to the man she charged $10,000 a visit. Without hesitation, the man pulled out ten thousand dollars and gave it to Valerie and they went upstairs. After an hour, the man calmly left.
The next night, the man appeared again, once more demanding to see Valerie. Valerie explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row as she was so very expensive. There were no discounts and the price was still $10,000. The gentleman did not blink an eye. Again, he pulled out a wad of cash, gave it to Valerie and they went upstairs...After an hour, he left.
The following night the man was there yet again. Everyone was astounded that he had come for a third consecutive night, maybe a record in the history of brothels in Nevada, which date back into the early 1800's, but without hesitation he paid Valerie the ten grand and off they went upstairs.
After their session, Valerie said to the man, 'No one has ever been with me three nights in a row. Where are you from?'
The man replied, ' Billings , Montana .'
'Really', she said. 'I have family in Billings .'
'I know.' the man said. 'I regret to tell you, but your sister died and I am her attorney. She asked me to give you your $30,000 inheritance.'
'May I help you, sir?' she asked.
'I want to see Valerie,' the man replied.
'Sir, Valerie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would prefer someone else', said the madam.
'No, I must see Valerie,' he replied.
Just then, Valerie appeared and announced to the man she charged $10,000 a visit. Without hesitation, the man pulled out ten thousand dollars and gave it to Valerie and they went upstairs. After an hour, the man calmly left.
The next night, the man appeared again, once more demanding to see Valerie. Valerie explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row as she was so very expensive. There were no discounts and the price was still $10,000. The gentleman did not blink an eye. Again, he pulled out a wad of cash, gave it to Valerie and they went upstairs...After an hour, he left.
The following night the man was there yet again. Everyone was astounded that he had come for a third consecutive night, maybe a record in the history of brothels in Nevada, which date back into the early 1800's, but without hesitation he paid Valerie the ten grand and off they went upstairs.
After their session, Valerie said to the man, 'No one has ever been with me three nights in a row. Where are you from?'
The man replied, ' Billings , Montana .'
'Really', she said. 'I have family in Billings .'
'I know.' the man said. 'I regret to tell you, but your sister died and I am her attorney. She asked me to give you your $30,000 inheritance.'
FUNNY URDU JOKES - PAPPU YA DADA HUZOOR
Sharmanay ki acting kartay huye aik larki apnay aashiq se boli: "Oh tauba! Kaisi batein kar
rahay ho Pappu? Mujhay to sharam aa rahi hai."
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Pappu ne jawab diya: "Hunh, sharam aa rahi hai. Ghar se nikaltay huye yeh sochteen keh tum apnay aashiq se milnay ja rahi ho na keh dada huzoor se."
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Pappu ne jawab diya: "Hunh, sharam aa rahi hai. Ghar se nikaltay huye yeh sochteen keh tum apnay aashiq se milnay ja rahi ho na keh dada huzoor se."
FUNNY ONE LINERS - CLOSING EYES
It is said that when girls close their eyes, they see the person they love the most.
When boys do that, a slide show starts!
When boys do that, a slide show starts!
HILARIOUS JOKES - THE LADY KILLER
A man and a woman had been married some time when the woman began to question her husband.
“I know you’ve been with a lot of woman before. How many were there?”
The husband replied, “Look, I don’t want to upset you, there were many. Let’s just leave it alone.”
The wife continued to beg and plead. Finally, the husband gave in.
“Let’s see.” he said “There was one, two, three, four, five, six, YOU, eight, nine, “
“I know you’ve been with a lot of woman before. How many were there?”
The husband replied, “Look, I don’t want to upset you, there were many. Let’s just leave it alone.”
The wife continued to beg and plead. Finally, the husband gave in.
“Let’s see.” he said “There was one, two, three, four, five, six, YOU, eight, nine, “
HILARIOUS JOKES - THE SHY LOVER
A man really loved a woman, but he was just too shy to propose to her. Now he was up in his years and neither of them had ever been married. Of course, they dated about once a week for the past six years, but he was so timid he just never got around to suggesting marriage much less living together.
But one day, he became determined to ask her the question.
So he calls her on the phone, "June."
"Yes, this is June."
"Will you marry me?"
"Of course I will! Who's this?"
But one day, he became determined to ask her the question.
So he calls her on the phone, "June."
"Yes, this is June."
"Will you marry me?"
"Of course I will! Who's this?"
HILARIOUS JOKES - THE LEGITIMATE SON
A husband and wife had four boys.
The odd part of it was that the older three had red hair, light skin and were tall, while the youngest son had black hair, dark eyes and was short.
The father eventually took ill and was lying on his deathbed when he turned to his wife and said, "Honey, before I die, be totally honest with me - is our youngest son my child?"
The wife replied, "I swear on everything that's holy that he is your son."
With that the husband passed away.
The wife then muttered, "Thank God he didn't ask about the other three."
The odd part of it was that the older three had red hair, light skin and were tall, while the youngest son had black hair, dark eyes and was short.
The father eventually took ill and was lying on his deathbed when he turned to his wife and said, "Honey, before I die, be totally honest with me - is our youngest son my child?"
The wife replied, "I swear on everything that's holy that he is your son."
With that the husband passed away.
The wife then muttered, "Thank God he didn't ask about the other three."
HILARIOUS JOKES - THE PUNISHMENT
Old Farmer Johnson was dying. The family was standing around his bed.
With a low voice he sad to his wife: "When I'm dead I want you to marry farmer Jones."
Wife: "No, I can't marry anyone after you."
Johnson: "But I want you to."
Wife: "But why?"
Johnson: "Jones once cheated me in a horse deal!"
With a low voice he sad to his wife: "When I'm dead I want you to marry farmer Jones."
Wife: "No, I can't marry anyone after you."
Johnson: "But I want you to."
Wife: "But why?"
Johnson: "Jones once cheated me in a horse deal!"
HILARIOUS JOKES - SEARCHING FOR WIFE
Two men with babies bump into each other at the mall...
- I am very sorry about that, I didn’t see you I was looking for my wife.
- You know what, I’m looking for mine too, I don’t know what happened to her, where she is.
- Well, how does your wife look, let’s search for her together.
- Well, she’s tall, gorgeous legs, big boobs, tight ass, cute face, thick lips, and so on, what about yours?
- Forget about mine, let’s look for yours!!
- I am very sorry about that, I didn’t see you I was looking for my wife.
- You know what, I’m looking for mine too, I don’t know what happened to her, where she is.
- Well, how does your wife look, let’s search for her together.
- Well, she’s tall, gorgeous legs, big boobs, tight ass, cute face, thick lips, and so on, what about yours?
- Forget about mine, let’s look for yours!!
FUNNY ONE LINERS - LOOKING AT THE BEAUTY
I look at the moon, the moon is beautiful… I look at you.. I.. I… I’d rather look at the moon again…
HILARIOUS JOKES - DYING FOR GIRLFRIEND
Girl : Do you love me ?
Boy : Yes, dear.
Girl : Would you die for me ?
Boy : No, mine is undying love!
Boy : Yes, dear.
Girl : Would you die for me ?
Boy : No, mine is undying love!
HILARIOUS JOKES - WIFE - SHORT JOKE
First Guy (proudly) : “My wife’s an angel!”
Second Guy : “You’re lucky, mine’s still alive.”
Second Guy : “You’re lucky, mine’s still alive.”
