FUNNY URDU JOKES - PATHAN K PEECHAY KUTTA

Aik kutta pathan k peechay lagg gaya.
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Pathan ghussay mein bhagtay huye kehnay laga: "Agar teray baap ka hakoomat na hota tu ham tujhay batata."

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REALLY FUNNY URDU JOKES - QAZAFI STADIUM

Aik deewar per bohat se ishtehar aik doosray k upper lagay huye thay jo kaheen kaheen se phattay huye thay.
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Uss wajah se ibarat kuch youn parrhi ja rahi thi.
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"Aaj aik siyasi party aur Ahmad ki chatni k darmeyan match khaila ja raha hai jiss k sitaray gadha, chabi aur mehmaan adakar saban. Aap logon se iltimaas hai keh air conditioned murgh khanay k liye qazafi stadium tashreef la kar har qisam ka kaprra khareed farmaein."

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VERY FUNNY URDU JOKES - DAAL AUR MURGHI

Malkan (khansama se): "Tum se kitni baar kaha hai keh sahb ki naukri khatam ho gaee hai, iss liye ab murghi nahi sirf daal pakay gi magar tum murghi aur daal donon paka rahay ho?"
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Khansama: "Begum sahiba! Daal aap k liye aur murghi apnay liye paka raha hoon, naukri sahb ki khatam huee hai meri to nahi."

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VERY FUNNY URDU JOKES - BILLI

Beta (baap se): "Abbu! Doodh k bartan mein chooha gir gaya hai."
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Baap: "Phir tum ne kya kiya?"
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Beta: "Abbu! Main ne bartan mein billi chhorr di hai."

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FUNNY URDU JOKES - DO GAYE AUR AIK MOTORCYCLE

Aik shaer apnay shaer dost se: "Zahid! Suna hai tumhara deewan chhap kar market mein aa gaya hai, kya kuch bikka?"
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Zahid sahb (thandi aah bhartay huye) bolay: "Haan zakhmi sahb! Do (2) adad gaye aur aik (1) adad motorcycle bikka hai."

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REALLY FUNNY URDU JOKES - GHORRAY K DAANT

Aik sahb ki paachon ungliyaan ghorray ne chaba daleen.
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Hospital mein unn k dost iyyadat karnay aaye to unhon ne sawal kiya: "Tumhein ghorray k munh mein haath daalnay ki zuroorat kion mehsoos huee?"
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"Darasal main daikhna chahta tha keh ghorray k munh mein kitnay daant hotay hein? Lekin ghorray ne yeh jan'nay k liye keh meray haath ki kitni ungliyan hein, apna munh band kar liya."

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VERY FUNNY URDU JOKES - MUAMMAR MACHAR

Kisi ne macharon se poocha: "Kya wajah hai keh aap sirf sardiyon mein hi aatay hein? Garmiyon mein kion nahi aatay?"
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Aik muammar machar ne jawab diya: "Sardiyon mein kaunsi hamari izzat afzaee hoti hai jo ham garmiyon mein bhi aa jaein."

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VERY FUNNY URDU JOKES - MULLA NASIR-UD-DIN

Mulla Nasir-ud-din se aik dafa badshah ne poocha: "Mulla sahb! Aap teer chalana jantay hein?"
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Mulla ne kaha: "Kion nahi?"
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Badshah ne teer kaman mangwaya aur mulla ko diya.
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Mulla ne teer chalaya to nishanay per na laga, woh bolay: "Aap ka shikari iss tarah teer chalata hai."
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Doosra teer chalaya to woh bhi khata ho gaya, goya huye: "Shehar ka governor iss tarah teer chalata hai."
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Teesra teer chalaya to ittafaq se woh nishanay per ja laga.
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Mulla sahb seena thonk kar bolay: "Mulla youn teer chalata hai."

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REALLY FUNNY URDU JOKES - MURGHIYAN

Murghiyan palnay ka aik ishtehar daikh kar aik sahb ko murghiyan palnay ka shoq hua.
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Bohat soch bichar k baad unhon ne aik mansooba banaya.
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Uss mansoobay k tehat unn ko mulazim rakhna tha.
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Akhbar mein ishtehaar diya gaya.
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Aik sahb pohnchay.
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Interview mein unn se poocha gaya: "Kion miyan! Murghiyon se kuch dilchaspi hai?"
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Ummeedwar ne jawab diya: "Main to ghareeb aadmi hoon sahb! Jo dein gay kha loon ga."

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URDU JOKES - TOTAY KI BOLI

Aik neelam ghar mein doosri bohat si cheezon k illawa pinjray mein band aik tota bhi rakha tha.
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Aik shakhs ne tota pasand kiya aur paanch rupay boli di, lekin herat angaiz taur per boli charrhanay lagi aur daikhtay hi daikhtay do so (200) rupay per ja ruki.
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Soda tay ho janay k baad iss shakhs ne pinjra uthatay huye kaha: "Yeh tota mujhay do so (200) rupay mein mehnga parra hai, ab khuda janay yeh bolta bhi hai ya nahi."
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"Janab! Aap k muqablay per yehi tota hi to boli day raha tha." Neelam ghar ka maalik bola.

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REALLY FUNNY URDU JOKES - GADHA

Aik larkay ne apnay dost per tanqeed kartay huye kaha: "Apnay baal to daikho, jaisay ghaas uggi huee ho."
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Dost ne jawab diya: "Main abhi yehi soch raha tha keh meray paas ghadh kion kharra hai?"

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VERY FUNNY URDU JOKES - SARDAR JI KI AQAL

Aik sardar ji apnay betay k saath shehar ki tafreeh gaah mein ghoom rahay thay keh woh raasta bhool gaye.
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Bohat dhoonda magar raasta nahi mila.
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Jab thakkan se unn ka bura haal ho gaya to woh aik baith gaye.
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Thorri dair baad sardar ji ne betay ko marna shuru kar diya aur bolay: "Oye gadhay! Main to chalo raasta bhool gaya hoon, tu to ghar ja. Teri maa tera intazar kar rahi ho gi."

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FUNNY URDU JOKES - SHER JAISA BAHADUR INSAAN

Naam nehaad aalim kaghaz per likhi huee taqreer parrh rahay thay.
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Pehlay safhay ki aakhri satar per unn ka josh shabab per pohnch gaya aur stage k actors ki tarah karrak kar bolay: "Sher jaisa bahadur insaan."
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Phir unn sahb ne josh ke aalam mein aik (1) safha ulatnay ki bajaye do (2) safhay ulat diye aur taqreer jaari rakhtay huye kaha: "Anday se nikalta hai."
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Hazireen ne jab mukammal fiqra suna keh 'Sher jaisa bahadur insaan anday se nikalta hai' to unn k qehqahon ne hall ki khamoshi ko darham barham kar k rakh diya.

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FUNNY URDU JOKES - DARAKHT PER HAATHI

Sardar ji aur khan sahb baithay aapas mein batein kar rahay thay.
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Sardar ji bolay: "Agar aik haathi darakht per charrha hua ho aur neechay utarna chahta ho to ussay kya karna chahiye?"
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Khan sahb kuch dair sochnay k baad bolay: "Ussay chahiye keh kisi pattay per baith kar khizaan ka intazar karay."

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FUNNY URDU JOKES - SARDAR AUR PATHAN

Aik sardar aur pathan aapas mein gehray dost thay.
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Sardar pathan se: "Agar tum sardiyon mein musalsal aik maah namazein parrho gay to main tumhein aik bakra inaam mein doon ga."
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Pathan aik maah tak musalsal namazein parrhta raha.
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Aik maah baad jab pathan ne sardar se waday k mutabiq bakray ka mutaliba kiya to sardar ne kaha: "Kaunsa bakra? Main ne to tumhein aazmanay k liye mazaq kiya tha."
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Yeh sun kar pathan ne aag bagula hotay huye kaha: "Mujhay pehlay hi tum per shakk tha, issi liye main bhi baghair wuzoo aur baghair topi k hi namazein parrhta raha hoon."

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VERY VERY FUNNY URDU JOKES - FAMILY

Kisi ghareeb dehati ka larka mehnat mushaqqat kar k kuch parrh likh gaya aur bahar k mulk chala gaya.
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Wahan kuch arsay k baad settle honay per uss ne apnay walid ko khatt likha keh abba main ne yahan makan ka bandobast kar liya hai, lehaza meri family bhaij dein.
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Ghareeb walid ko family ka matlab ka pata nahi tha.
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Uss ne school se wapas ghar aatay huye aik larkay se family ka matlab poocha to ussay bhi pata nahi tha magar sharmindagi se bachnay k liye uss ne family ka matlab bataya: "Rizaee."
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To boorrhay walid ne jawab mein likha: "Beta! Tumhari family choohay kha gaye hein, tum wahan naee family bana lo."

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FUNNY URDU JOKES - KUTTAY KI NA ZEBA HARKAT

Aik maal dar khatoon phalon ki khareedari mein masroof theen.
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Iss doran unn ka ladla kutta phalon ko chatnay laga.
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Jab yeh amal kuttay ne baar baar kiya to dukandar se na raha gaya aur uss ne narmi se khatoon ki tawajjuh kuttay ki na zeba harkat ki taraf mabzool karwaee.
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Khatoon ne foran ghussay se kuttay ki taraf daikhtay huye kaha: "Dabbu! Band karo yeh harkat. Tumhein itna bhi khayal nahi hai keh yeh phall dhulay huye nahi hein."

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VERY VERY FUNNY URDU JOKES - TOTAY KA PINJRA

Aik professor apnay kisi dost k ghar raat k khanay per gaye.
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Ehtayatan laltain iss khayal se lay gaye keh agar bijli chali gaee to wapsi per preshani na ho.
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Dawat k baad raat gaye wapas ghar aa gaye.
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Doosray din subh maizbaan ka mulazim aik ruqqa lay kar aaya, jiss per tehreer tha: "Aap ki laltain bhijwa raha hoon, barah-e-meharbani aap meray totay ka pinjra bhi bhijwa dein."

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VERY FUNNY URDU JOKES - TAJVEEZ

Nafsiyaat ki class mein amli tajarba kiya ja raha tha.
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Aik choohay k saamnay makaee k daanay rakhay gaye aur qareeb hi aik choohiya bitha di gaee.
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Choohay ko chhorra gaya aur woh seedha makaee k daanon ki taraf lapka.
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Professor ne muskura kar shagirdon ki taraf daikha aur kaha: "Daikha tum ne? Iss tajarbay se saabit hua keh bhook jinsi khawhish se zyada taqatwar hoti hai."
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Iss tarah professor ne teen (3) chaar (4) baar mukhtalif cheezein choohay k saamnay daaleen, har martaba chooha khanay ki cheezon ki taraf lapka aur uss ne choohiya ki taraf tawajjuh na di.
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Professor ne fakhar se kaha: "Bhook jins se barri taqat hai."
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"Sir! Aik martaba choohiya bhi badal kar daikh lijiye." Aik larkay ne tajveez paish ki."

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VERY FUNNY URDU JOKES - PAPPU KA JAWAB

Ustani: "Koi bacha bata sakta hai keh chirriya aisay kaun kaun se kaam karti hai jo main nahi kar sakti?"
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Pappu: "Madam! Kya aap plate mein ghussal kar sakti hein?"

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