FUNNY URDU JOKES - TAAZA MACHHLI

Gahak: "Main pichlay saal bhi issi shehar mein aaya tha, kaash main uss waqt hi aap k restaurant mein aa gaya hota."
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Maalik (khush hotay huye): "Bohat shukria janab! Aap ko hamara restaurant pasand aaya."
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Gahak: "Pasand na pasand ko chhorrein, main yeh iss liye keh raha hoon k jo machhli aap ne mujhay khilaee hai agar main pichlay saal aa gaya hota to kam az kam mujhay taaza to mill jati."

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VERY VERY FUNNY URDU JOKES - LADDU

Aik bacha pehlay din school ja raha tha, baap ne naseehat ki: "Beta! School ja kar wahan meethi meethi batein karna."
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Bacha school pohncha to ustad ne poocha: "Tumhara naam kya hai?"
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Bachay ne jawab diya: "Laddu."
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Ustad ne poocha: "Tumharay walid ka kya naam hai?"
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Bachay ne jawab diya: "Gulaab jaman."
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Ustad ne phir poocha: "Tumhari ammi ka kya naam hai?"
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Bachay ne jawad diya: "Barfi."
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Ustad ne ghussay se poocha: "Tum rehtay kaha ho?"
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Bachay ne foran jawab diya: "Mithaee k dabbay mein."

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VERY FUNNY URDU JOKES - CHAAR SAMOSAY

Maizban (mehmaan se): "Mohtarma! Aik samosa aur kha lijiye."
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Mehmaan: "Nahi! Main pehlay hi do (2) kha chuki hoon."
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Maizban: "Khaye to aap ne chaar (4) hein, magar aik aur lay lijiye, main ginn rahi hoon."

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VERY FUNNY URDU JOKES - LA HOL WALLA QUAH

Naee naweli dulhan ne jala hua gosht shohar k saamnay rakha to uss ne khanay se haath khainch liya aur bola: "Begum! Gosht ka zaeyqa kuch ajeeb sa hai."
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Biwi ne poocha: "Kion? Kaisa hai?"
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Shohar ne jawab diya: "Jaisay jala hua chamrra ho."
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Biwi ne munh bana kar jawab diya: "La hol wala quah, aap ne bhi kaisi kaisi cheezein chakh rakhi hein."

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VERY VERY FUNNY URDU JOKES - BAKRI

Doctor (begum se): "Aray begum! Meray clinic mein aik aisa mareez aaya jiss per se gaarri guzar gaee aur uss ka nichla dharr bekaar ho gaya tha."
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Begum (jaldi se): "To kya woh mar gaya?"
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Doctor: "Nahi... Main ne uss ka nichla dharr kaat kar bakri ka dharr laga diya hai to woh do (2) kilo doodh bhi denay laga hai."

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VERY FUNNY URDU JOKES - MOLVI SAHB KI MURGHI

"Aaj main ne aik murghi churaee hai molvi sahb." Aik charsi ne molvi se kaha.
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Molvi sahb: "Intehaee buri harkat hai, iss ki padaash mein tumhein dozakh mein jalna parray ga."
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Charsi: "Ijazat ho to woh murghi aap ki khidmat mein paish karon?"
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Molvi sahb ne ghussay se kaha: "Hargiz nahi... Jiss ki murghi hai ussi ko wapas kar do warna..."
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Charsi: "Lekin agar main ne woh murghi ussay paish ki ho jiss ki hai aur uss ne lenay se inkaar kiya ho to?"
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Molvi: "To aisi surat mein jabkeh uss ki raza shamil ho, woh murghi tumharay liye jayez hai."
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"Shukria molvi sahb!" Charsi yeh keh kar chala gaya."
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Iss mukhtassir se mukalmay k baad jab molvi sahb ghar pohnchay to unhein maloom hua k unn ki apni aik murghi ghayeb hai.

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VERY FUNNY URDU JOKES - BHOOK LAGI HAI

Qasaab ki dukan per aik khoobsurat khatoon sab gahakon ko taqreeban dhakailti aagay pohncheen aur boleen: "Mujhay jaldi se saat (7) rupay k chhichhrray day do."
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Phir unhein kuch khayal aaya, woh palat kar apnay peechay kharri huee umar raseeda khatoon se mukhatib hueen: "Ummeed hai k aap ne meri jald baazi ka bura nahi manaya hoga?"
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"Hargiz nahi..." Umar raseeda khatoon ne barri shafqat se jawab diya: "Tumhein yaqeenan bohat zor se bhook lagi hai."

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VERY FUNNY URDU JOKES - BAQAYA HALWA

Sharat laga kar halwa khanay walay chaar (4) aadmiyon mein se teen (3) behosh ho gaye to chotha ro parra.
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Logon ne poocha: "Tum kion ro rahay ho?"
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Uss ne jawab diya: "Agar main bhi behosh ho gaya to baqaya halway ka kya hoga?"

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VERY FUNNY URDU JOKES - MOTI AURAT

Lift mein aik saath bohat se log sawar ho gaye.
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Operator ne button dabaya lekin lift apni jagah se na hilli.
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Uss ne darkhawst ki k kam az kam aik fard lift se utar jaye.
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Aik nehayat moti khatoon ne eesaar ka muzahira kiya aur lift se utar gaeen.
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Kaee doosray log ab bhi bahar hi apni baari k intazar mein kharray thay.
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Operator ne dobara button dabaya to lift waqaee upper rawana ho gaee.
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Moti khatoon ne doosray logon ki taraf daikhtay huye qadray sharmindage se kaha: "Mera wazan itna zyada nahi k lift meri wajah se ruk jati, darasal aaj meray zehan per bojh bohat zyada hai."

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FUNNY ONE LINERS - STOPPING THE MICROWAVE

I like to stop the microwave with 1 second to go. Makes me feel like a bomb defusal expert!!

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VERY FUNNY URDU JOKES - BECHARA CHOOHA

Jungle mein sher ki shaadi ho rahi thi.
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Jab baraat chalnay lagi to achanak aik chooha baraat k aagay aagay nachnay laga.
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Sher ne uss se kaha: "Bhaee! Tum kion naach raha ho? Yeh kisi choohay ki shaadi to nahi hai."
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Chooha bola: "Shaadi se pehlay main bhi sher hua karta tha."

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VERY FUNNY URDU JOKES - BAD QISMATI

"Aik roz mummy ne daddy ko baagh mein se sabzi torr laanay ko kaha. Daddy k haath mein lambay phall ka chaaqu tha, bad-qismati se daddy ka pair phisla aur woh iss tarah girray k taiz dhaar chaaqu ne unn k sheh rug kaat di."
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"Oh! Barra afsos naak waqeya tha..." Phir tumhari ammi ne kya kiya?"
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"Unhon ne uss roz majbooran daal pakaee thi."

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VERY FUNNY URDU JOKES - CHEWING GUM K PACKET

Aik airline apni flight k musafiron ko chewing gum taqseem karti thi, jiss k packet per likha tha k taiyyara chaltay aur utartay waqt kanon ko engine k shor se mehfooz rakhnay k liye istamal karein."
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Aik martaba aik khatoon ne doran-e-parwaz air hostess ko paas bula kar kaha: "Iss chewing gum ko meray kanon se nikalo, mujhay takleef ho rahi hai."

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REALLY FUNNY URDU JOKES - PATHAN AUR SARDAR

Shehar ki masroof tareen shahrah per ain wast mein aik pathan ne apni cycle rok kar stand per kharri kar di aur aik dam se tiffan haath mein lay kar khol kar daikhnay laga.
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Rush tha traffic jam ho gaee.
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Aik sardar ji gaarri se utray aur uss k paas aa kar intehaee ghussay se bolay: "Khan sahb! Yeh kya harkat hai?"
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Khan sahb itminan se bolay: "Khocha! Ham check kar raha tha apna lunch box... Agar yeh khali hota to iss ka matlab hai amm duty kar chuka hai aur ghar ja raha hai aur agar lunch mojood hai to phir amm duty per ja raha hai."

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HILARIOUS JOKES - BIBLE ON COFFEE

A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."
The husband said, "You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."
Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee."
Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says:
"HEBREWS"

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REALLY FUNNY URDU JOKES - BANDAR

Shohar: "Main ne aik bandar mangwaya hai ab yeh hamaray saath rahay ga."
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Biwi: "Khaye ga kya?"
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Shohar: "Wohi jo ham khaein gay."
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Biwi: "Aur soye ga kahan?" Shohar: "Hamaray saath hi bed per aur kahan?" . . . Biwi: "Lekin badbu ka kya illaj karo gaya?" , , , Shohar: "Jaisay main aadi ho gaya hoon, woh bhi ho jaye ga."

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VERY FUNNY URDU JOKES - SHIKARI AUR BAAZ

Aik shikari ko apnay nishanay per barra maan tha.
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Aik din shikar k moqay per uss k sathiyon ne uss k nishanay ki aazmayesh k liye aik urrtay huye baaz ki taraf ishara kar k kaha: "Agar tum waqaee itnay barray shikari ho to iss baaz ka shikar kar k dikhao."
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"Yeh bhi koi mushkil hai?" Yeh kehtay huye shikari ne baaz ka nishana lay kar fire kar diya, sho maee qismat nishana khata ho gaya lekin shikari apni dhitaee se baaz na aaya aur kehnay laga: "Dosto! Yeh pehla moqa hai k mara hua baaz bhi urr raha hai."

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VERY FUNNY URDU JOKES - BHAINS

Aik dost (doosray se): "Tum ko pata hai? Kal Rashid doodh peetay peetay achanak mar gaya."
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Doosra dost (heran hotay huye): "Woh kaisay?"
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Pehla dost: "Woh barray mazay se doodh pi raha tha k achanak bhains uss k upper baith gaee."

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VERY FUNNY URDU JOKES - PAAN AUR AKHBAR

Irfan (Imran se): "Tum itna paan mat khaya karo. Kya tumhein pata hai k kal akhbar mein likha tha keh paan khanay walay ko munh ka cancer honay ka khadsha hai."
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Imran: "Acha? To aaj se khareedna band."
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Irfan: "Kya paan?"
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Imran: "Nahi akhbar."

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VERY FUNNY URDU JOKES - GHEE 200 RUPAY KILO

Khareedar (dukandar se): "Ghee kya bhao hai?"
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Dukandar: "Do so (200) rupay kilo."
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Khareedar: "Aik raupay ka day do."
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Dukandar: "Aik minute soongh lo."

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